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“I…don’t understand then,” she murmurs, and frustration bunches her brows and downturns her lips. “Is it because the experiment isn’t working?”
She still doesn’t remember me.
I shake my head.
My desperation hasn’t been as strong as my desire. Because I haven’t been banking on being able to trigger her memories through a kiss. I figure she’ll remember when she’s ready.
“You love role-playing,” I tell her. “We both do, and I sorta saw this as that. I’m not upset that it didn’t work out.”
Her shoulders untense, and I wonder if she was scared that I’d be disappointed the experiment failed.
I ask, “Are you upset about it?” I skim her, unable to tell.
She shrugs. “I kinda believed it was a long shot too. But I thought it’d be fun…to kiss you—I wanted you to kiss me.” Her cheeks flame. “I wanted to do more too.” She glances at my unzipped pants. “I feel so…” She winces, then tries to palm her reddened face to hide.
“No, no, Luna,” I breathe, holding her warm cheeks. She’s never hidden like this from me, like I’m her prick of an ex-boyfriend causing her to question herself. My second go-round with Luna—I can’t fuck it up this quickly. “You wanna know who I am?”
She nods, clinging to my gaze.
“I’m the guy who’s never been ashamed of anything I’ve ever done. I’ve stripped down in sweaty nightclubs, humped bronze statues at 2 a.m., skinny-dipped in strangers’ pools, pierced my cock, tattooed you.” She’s barely blinking, and I don’t stop. “Went down on you after your dad threatened my jobovertattooing you, then tattooed you again.”
Her eyes well.
“I’ve been the son of addicts, a high school dropout, a slut, a tattooist, and a bodyguard, and I love everything about myself, despite so many people telling me I shouldhatewho I am.That I’m shit. That I’m nothing. Not worth air. Not worth this life. I know I’m wortheverything.And the girl I’ve fallen for—she’s loved herself tenderly. Wholeheartedly.” A tear escapes her eye and slips over my hand against her cheek. “Despite so many people telling her she should be embarrassed of the things she does, of who she is.” I cradle her watery gaze. “You don’t embarrass me, Luna Hale. You never have, and you never will. It’s something you already knew, but I’ll tell you a million times if I need to: I’m the guy who’s never gonna be ashamed of anything youeverdo. I’ll likely do all those things with you too.”
She sniffs hard, then wipes her runny nose.
More urgently, I say, “I’ve fucked you wearing a superhero mask. I’d fuck you wearing a unicorn head. You going at my zipper isn’t a turn-off or anything.”
“Then what made you stop?”
Why did I stop?
Slowly, I drop a hand from her cheek, just to scrape my palm against my taut neck. The words are tar in my throat, but somehow, I get ‘em out. “I don’t wanna be an experiment.”
It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to say. Harder than broaching the topic of being exclusive way back when, because at least she could confidently say she wanted a committed relationship with me based off her prior experiences.
She remembers so few now, and years ago, I was her great head baseline when she was looking for moreexperiences. We didn’t end up together right away. She got into casual sex. I slept around too.
The first experiment was a steppingstone for her to go figure out what she liked to do with other guys, and I’m not gonna be her gateway lay again. I can’t lose her likethat.
She’s processing, so I add more, “You’ve only known me for a couple days; I’d rather take this slow until you’re sure you want to be with me and only me.” I’m giving her room to choose to sleep around if that’s what she needs to do. It seems unfair to tell her she can’t, knowing that’s what she pursued the first time.
I just can’t be hooking up with her if she’s having sex with other guys. I can’t handle it. I will break.
“Okay,” Luna nods rapidly. “We’ll go slower until I’m more certain.” She’s holding onto my beltloops. “I’m not planning on doing anything physical with anyone else in the meantime though. I think it’d hurt Original Luna…and maybe me, too.”
I start smiling. Didn’t think she’d say that. Relief breathes more life in my body. What a top tier feeling.
I tell her, “Slow is also good since you’re mentally a virgin still. We don’t have to rush anything.”
She shrugs again. “I never put much stock in my virginity. I don’t really care how I lose it.”
Seems about right.Considering she lost it to some high schooler and afterwards that fucker spread a rumor about her being a slut at Dalton Academy. I don’t have the heart to tell her that.
Her brows crinkle. “I can…almostremember my first time, but it’s hazy. It happened before the lake house, right?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Most of what I knew about Luna before the FanCon tour was from rumors in security.Security—I’ve only gotten confirmation that I’m still on the team.Thanks, boss. Don’t know much else at this point since the press is taking a dump on me.
