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Then he leaned both hands on the countertop and dropped his head. “I don’t know how long I can keep doing this,” he said.
“Being a cop?” I asked, surprised.
“No,” he said. “Watching you in the line of fire. It’s always been different when it was just me. You don’t think about those things going into a situation, otherwise you’d never put on the badge. But it’s another thing entirely to watch it happen to your wife. How many times over the last years has your life been in danger? How many times has it been too close of a call? You were inches away from that bullet. If his trajectory had even been the slightest bit off it would’ve been your head they’d have been picking off of me.”
He shook his head and pushed back from the counter, pacing back and forth like a caged tiger.
“I can tell you right now I’m not strong enough for that,” he said. “Watching you escape death time and time again has taken years off my life. And it’s made me realize that I don’t think I can be here on this earth without you. I literally feel torn in two. I don’t know what to do anymore. I know that you’re who you are and you do what you do. I’d never expect you to be anything different. But I can’t keep watching your life hang in the balance.”
Jack rarely showed this level of emotion. He was always steady in a crisis, always the one who held his emotions in check so he could think rationally. But the man pacing before me looked anything but rational, and it certainly didn’t seem like his emotions were in check.
I thought about all the things I could say to deescalate the situation. I could’ve reassured him that I was alive and well. I could’ve reminded him that there were dangers involved in the kind of work we’d chosen. But Jack deserved better than piecrust promises that were easily made and easily broken.
“I’m going to share an important piece of advice with you,” I said, moving around the bar and walking straight into him, leaving him no choice but to wrap his arms around me.
“What’s that?” he asked soberly.
“It comes from my new friend Officer Daniels,” I said. “Sometimes the only thing you need in life to feel better is something to eat and a nap. So I propose we take these sandwiches that you took your anger out on upstairs and then we check out for a couple of hours. Let’s see how we feel then.”
“Hmm,” Jack said, resting his forehead against mine. “Sound advice.” I felt his body relax as he exhaled. “I’ve seen a lot of things in my career. And I almost lost you once. But I have to say I’ve never been as scared as I was today. I don’t want to ever feel that way again.”
He leaned back and squeezed my hands before letting me go. “But you’re right,” he said. “Officer Daniels always gives good advice. We don’t have to solve the problem right now. Let’s get some rest.”
* * *
“I’m going to send Officer Daniels a fruit basket,” I said two hours later. “And you should give her a raise. She’s a wise woman.”
I felt something hard beneath my hip and shifted, grabbing the empty plate that had once held my sandwich. Apparently, I’d eaten and immediately fallen asleep, because I didn’t remember anything happening in between my last bite and my eyes closing.
“I’ve tried to promote her twice, but she keeps rejecting me,” Jack said. “She’s the best crime scene tech I have, but she doesn’t want to be stuck in an office supervising. She wants to be in the field. Can’t say I blame her.”
I looked over at Jack. The sun was beginning to set behind the trees outside our window and his face was cast in a soft glow. He was still in his sweats and his fingers were entwined loosely over his stomach. Some of the tension was gone from his face, but I could tell he was in deep thought.
“We need to process information,” I said. “My brain is scrambled. We’ve had two professional hits in less than twenty-four hours. And we’ve inadvertently uncovered a local trafficking network. There’s also the potential of mob ties and military involvement.”
Jack let out a deep sigh. “Yeah,” he said. “One big mess. Let’s just leave everything behind. We won’t even pack a suitcase. We’ll just get on a plane and go wherever it takes us, and we can start a new life. Maybe Kirby can give us new identities if we promise to leave him alone.”
I snorted out a laugh and rolled out of bed.
“I feel like pizza,” I said.
“You just had a sandwich.”
“That was two hours ago. That counts as a snack. We need to feed our minds.”
Jack got out of bed and went to stand by the windows, looking out at the view. Our house was built almost on the side of the cliff, so it looked like it was part of the scenery, and unseen below was the Potomac rushing against the rocks.
“We’ve got to talk about our future soon,” Jack said. “Seriously. I want you to start thinking about where you see us in a year or five years. What do things look like?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but Jack stopped me.
“Not now,” he said. “Case first. Just think on it, okay? And I promise to do the same.”
I nodded and then we padded downstairs to the first floor. “It’s crazy how quiet it is with Doug gone,” I said. “He hasn’t been here long, but I’ve gotten used to him.”
“It’s weird to me that we actually have food in the refrigerator,” Jack said. “He’s actually driving back tonight. He said his mom had a date and he didn’t want to cramp her style. And it’ll be nice for him to pick up the trail where Carver left off.”
I’d almost been afraid to talk about Carver for fear of the feds breaking down the door. “How do you think he got out of here?”
