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I pressed my hands flat down on the hood of the car as hard as I could, trying to anchor myself to whatever this weird reality was I was living. Martinez and Cole stood on either side of me, and I didn’t know how many minutes passed. I just knew each extra second put me further away from Jack. And each extra minute made it more of a possibility that I’d never see him again.
I focused on every breath coming in and out of my lungs, and I prayed like I never had before, willing Jack to walk through that front door.
I wasn’t sure what made my knees buckle first—the giant fireball that swept through the house or the deafening concussion of the explosion as the house splintered into a million difference pieces.
Something sharp cut my cheek, but I barely felt the sting as I went to my hands and knees. All the air had left my body, and the only thing in its place was a pain so unimaginable any kind of torture would’ve been preferable.
I curled into the smallest ball I could muster and willed the rest of the world to go away. I felt arms trying to lift me to my feet and the sound of orders being shouted to move back, but I would have been okay with the fire swallowing me whole.
Arms tightened around me and lifted me into the air, and I looked up into Cole’s devastated face. Blood dripped from the corner of his eye and his face was dirty.
There was nothing but smoke and flame in front of us, and the fire trucks had arrived. The cold wind was making the smoke dance and spread, and it was then I saw a lone figure walking toward me.
“I’m dead,” I said.
“What?” Cole asked.
“I think we’re all dead,” I told him and pointed.
Cole turned and put me carefully to my feet as Jack’s face came into view. It was black with smoke and soot, and there was blood dripping freely down his neck.
“She thinks we’re all dead,” Cole told him. And then Cole grabbed Jack in a bear hug and said, “Boy, are you a sight for sore eyes.”
“I’m not dead,” Jack told me, his gaze never leaving mine.
“I don’t understand,” I said, not quite brave enough to reach out and touch him yet. “How?”
“I’d convinced J.D. to do the honorable thing and turn himself in,” Jack said. “He took off the explosives vest and laid it on the chair. And then I took him out the back door because I could see Riley and Chen through the window and it seemed a faster way to get him out. But I guess the vest had a hair trigger and it blew when we were about halfway to the squad car. We both flew a little bit from the blast.”
The first sob caught me by surprise. And then it seemed it was all I could do. I crumpled where I stood, but Jack caught me and went to the ground with me.
“I can’t ever go through that again, Jack Lawson,” I said. “Don’t ever put yourself at risk like that again. I mean it.”
“I know you do,” he said, sighing into my hair. “You used my full name.”
“I’m not kidding,” I said, the pitch of my voice leaning toward hysterical. “I thought I was tough. That I would always be okay on my own. But you’ve ruined that. Now I can’t stand the thought of living without you.”
“Oh, baby,” he said, resting his head on my shoulder. “All I could think while I was in there was that I had a tremendous responsibility. To you first. But also to all the men and women who were trusting me with their lives. All I could think was that I had to get them out, no matter the cost.”
“Always the bloody hero,” I said, sobbing even harder.
“That didn’t sound like a compliment.”
“I know you’re a hero,” I said. “That’s just one of the many things about you I fell in love with. I just want to be selfish for once. I want you to be selfish for once and let someone else be the hero. But I know this conversation is like spitting into the wind. Asking you to stop being a hero or doing the right or responsible thing would be like asking you to stop breathing.”
I wiped my hands across my face and they came away with ash and blood.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wish this calling on my life didn’t make you hurt so bad.”
“Just ignore me,” I said. “I’m overly emotional and feeling a little crazy at the moment. I’m still trying to come to grips that I didn’t just watch you die in a fiery explosion. It’s just a small pity party. I’ll be over it in a second or ten.”
“How about you just let me sit here and hold you for a little while?” he asked. “And you can take all the time you need to make sure that I’m alive.”
EPILOGUE
I was still sittingat the bar in the kitchen with the postcard in my hand when Jack came in. There was a white bandage on his jaw, and he was going to have some pretty colorful bruises. But he was alive and we were together. That’s what mattered.
“What’s that?” he asked, taking the barstool next to mine.
