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Before this he’d been overly confident, some may even say arrogant. He’d been raised with a gold spoon in his mouth, had never been denied anything he wanted and had never really failed at anything. Defeat was not a part of his vocabulary, and he’d never thought there was anything he couldn’t do, couldn’t have; couldn’t achieve.
But there he was feeling like there was a dark cloud hanging over his head. The locals hadn’t blamed him for Valerie’s actions; in fact, they were rather sympathetic towards him when he happened to go into town, which wasn’t too often these days.
But he realized as he sat in that dark dusty office that he wanted to go on living, and more surprisingly that he was ready to love again. He’d stopped loving his wife the moment he learned that she was responsible for killing their friend, it was as simple as that; like walking into a room and switching off a light, shrouding the room in total darkness; it was that instantaneous.
That was something else he had to deal with, the fact that he could so easily stop loving the girl he’d lost his heart to as a teen. It shook him to his core to realize that he had that in him, that he could so easily stop caring about her.
But he realized that had Celia not been there, he would’ve fallen into despair long before now. It was she who’d kept him from going over the edge; she who’d filled the void left in his life.
He was in no way thinking of anything sexual, he didn’t think he was quite ready to jump into those waters, but today for the first time his body reminded him that he was a man, and there was no denying that Celia was a very beautiful woman.
Whatever lock his grief had held on his body it was now gone. There was no lead up to the change, it happened just as abruptly as he’d shut himself off. This time he told himself that he’d do things differently. This time he’d be more in charge of his relationship; he wouldn’t take anything for granted.
When he left the stables this morning he knew he had a lot to think about, not least of all how to move forward. She’s the detective who put his wife away, his wife who’s only be dead a few short weeks; what will people say?
He wasn’t so much worried about that as he was about the impact it might have on her career. His first love he now realized was childish, a teenage love that he hung onto even when he knew that maybe it was time to walk away. This time there was nothing childish or innocent about his feelings.
This time there were no tender memories holding him in check, no looking back at when she was just a young girl and feeling that need to be more protector than lover. And the more he thought about it, the more he wanted it, wanted her.
That’s why he was sitting outside her house at the time he knew she was due home from work. They’d been talking on the phone every night for the better part of three weeks, not really touching on anything remotely serious relationship wise.
But somehow he was always conscious of the fact that she was into him. And maybe that’s why it had been so easy to fall into the little byplay they had going on. He didn’t see her as a done deal, an easy lay. He hoped like hell he never became that person.
And though in the beginning he might’ve been angry enough to give fucking her to get over his grief a thought or two, he was glad that he’d never been that stupid as to follow through. Which is a good thing, because now he was coming to realize that he just might be ready to move on to the next step.
He helped her onto the horse, leaving his hands around her waist just a little longer than was necessary as she looked down at him and he up at her. The sun made a perfect backdrop in the sky behind them as his eyes fell to her lips.
He could hear the acceleration in her breath; see the pulse take flight in her throat. He deliberately let his eyes drop to her breasts where he could see her nipples harden before looking back into her eyes again.
CHAPTER 6
Celia didn’t breathe until he turned and walked away to climb onto his horse. Oh boy, she thought, she’d read a whole lot in that look and now that they were here, at this point she never thought they’d reach she was terrified. She was surprised to learn that she wasn’t prepared. At least not for anything approaching the heat she’d seen in that look he just gave her.
