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It startles me and I stand, dumbfounded, marveling at the beauty of this sight. She’s actually looking at me, not through… and she’s stunning. Even with pain-stricken eyes, she’s everything.
I kneel next to the bed, not even realizing I’ve put the tray down somewhere, pulling her small hand in a tight grip and holding it to my lips.
She rolls over fully, moving intentionally for the first time since she’s been here, and she grabs onto me, pulling me up. I have no idea what’s happening, but I let her take me with her as she scoots back in the bed, making me crawl under the covers, and when she doesn’t stop me, I scoop her in my arms, enveloping her in my body as she rests her cheek against my chest.
I could fucking scream right now. Her warmth seeps under my skin and suddenly I can breathe again.
My t-shirt dampens, her tears soaking it as soft cries gently vibrate against me. They come in almost silent waves, her arms gathered to her chest, trapped between us, and I could get on my knees and thank the gods for this. Instead, I tighten my hold, pressing soft kisses to the top of her head as I gently rub her back and let her weep.
I don’t think she’s cried since I brought her here. Maybe when she was alone, but never in my presence. Most definitely not in my arms. I’ve touched her to clean her, dress her wounds, but she hasn’t sought my touch. Maybe it’s shallow, or selfish, but it terrified me; the fact that this loss would have such an impact that she might have never allowed herself to carry on… with me. Withus.
Through the partially open blinds, the sun streams in, shifting slowly as we lie here, entangled in comfort we so desperately need.
“She was being raped, yet she was trying to save… me. I don’t know how to live with that. She was murdered because of me.”
“No… Annika, she was murdered because a psychopath made the decision to kill her.”
“You weren’t there… if she hadn‘t tried to pull him off me, she wouldn’t have made him angry, and he wouldn’t have stabbed her. You came mere minutes later… we would have both been saved.” She pauses, sobbing softly and catching her breath. “I can’t stop blaming myself for her death.”
“You’re not alone, baby. I feel that guilt too. If I made a different decision, if I listened to my gut…”
Fuck!
“Ronan… I’m scared.”
I pull away, enough to look into her eyes.
“Little witch, I’m never, ever, letting you out of my sight. I’ll protect you with all I have.”
“No… I’m scared because I don’t know how to be happy without her.”
The sadness in her eyes as she speaks those words is heartbreaking. She’s lost, and I can’t even claim to know how to help her.
“It will take time. It’s too soon to think of that now. Eventually, a little voice will pop up inside your head that will sound like her, and she’ll bully you into getting your shit together.”
“She was very bossy.”
I scoff. “In the best ways, really.”
“She could have ruled the world,” she trails off.
“She would have made a great aunt.”
That statement brings a whole other wave of sadness, and I regret saying it. I don’t need to add more pain.
“This is really happening…” She touches her belly, and I dare cover her hand with mine.
“It is, little witch.”
The hospital did a blood test before the surgery and a scan when she woke up. She’s early on, but she’s definitely pregnant. With my child.Mine.
I thought this moment would scare me. That it would bring unknown anxiety and doubts about my future. None of that happened. Instead, I felt enormous relief when the doctor told us everything looked good and was developing as expected.
There are no doubts, but the opposite actually. It took no time at all to make a decision about my future—ourfuture.
Now I just have to wait for the right time, to see how she feels about it.
ANNIKA
