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I’m supposed to be strong for her. Watch that casket disappear in the room beyond the curtains, where her body will enter the cruel flames of the furnace that will render her to dust.
My amazing Hanna… she will be nothing but ashes.
RONAN
It was too beautiful ofa day for such sorrow. There was nothing I could have done to soothe the pain in either Annika or my brother. They kept their distance from each other the whole day. In the morning, during the ceremony, they sat at opposite ends. They did the same at the restaurant we went to after. They barely even looked at each other when Hanna’s ashes were delivered to us and handed to Annika.
Not now, though. At the edge of this small cliff, with the soft breeze brushing against our skin warmed by the afternoon sun in an offensively pleasant way, Finn stands next to Annika. I’m on the other side, Maddox, Vincent, and Carter are right behind us, and some of our men behind them.
Annika hands Finn the container that holds her best friend, signaling for him to wait a moment as she reaches into the pocket of her black blazer. Her body’s turned toward my brother and I have no idea what she’s holding, but he looks down for a moment, then his gaze quickly jumps to hers. Eyes wide, conflict and pain furrowing his eyebrows, then his shoulders slump and he unscrews the lid. Annika reaches in and I have this urge to step around and see what the hell she’s doing.
Instead, I turn to Katya, and she seems to be in on it. There’s no shift whatsoever in her compassionate expression as she watches them. I reluctantly stay in my place, watching Annika as she removes her hand, fiddles with something and then reaches in the container yet again. She hands Katya what appears to be a little funnel and a scoop, and I finally catch a glimpse of two small, intricately decorated silver vials, before she slides one in Finn’s breast pocket, then in hers.
She looks up at my brother, and they share something unspoken for a few long moments, before he nods. She takes the urn from him, then turns to the glistening calm water before us, and kneels on the ground.
In the faintest of whispers, she says… “I love you,” then begins slowly tipping Hanna’s ashes, watching the breeze take them away and spread them over the sea. Finn kneels next to her, covering her hands with his when her own begin to shake, and they do it together.
I’m here for comfort, her rock and shoulder to cry on, but this moment… this moment is not mine. It’s hers—theirs.
So I watch as the last of the ashes spill, then nod to the men behind us, who turn and walk back down the hill, to the cars. Madds, Vin, and Carter begin to walk away, but stop a few paces from us, giving us space. Katya approaches Finn, while I help Annika close the, now empty, urn and help her up.
Before we move away from the cliff, Annika grabs my hand pulling me to her. I wrap her in my arms as she buries her head in my chest, but she doesn’t cry. Her hold tightens around me as she breathes slow and deep through the ache in her heart.
Such a terrible, early end to such an amazing journey. Is this to be all of our ends? Too soon to fully leave? Violent and cruel? Is this what I have to look forward to?
A few months ago, I wouldn’t have blinked an eye at it. It always crossed my mind, but it meant nothing. Now, with this delicate, stunning woman wrapped around my body, my baby growing in her belly, I can’t even fathom it.
This will not be our end.
Yet I’m not sure my brothers will understand.
CHAPTER 20
RONAN
“Fucking hell,” I mutterto myself when the first image I see walking down the stairs is Finn getting voluntarily pummeled by Madds in the ring.
I step through the main room of the space that is going to become what Maddox now callsThe Fightclub. I argued that maybe it requires a classier name, but the reality of it is that it’s exactly that—a fight club. It will be savage, bare-knuckle, real, nothing like typical boxing rings with rules that protect the fighters. It will be what Maddox has been craving, a place where the need for pain finds its home. Whether you need to feel it or inflict it.
As I watch Finn now, I’m not sure on what side of that pain my brother found himself in. He’s been spending a lot of time here since it started to look like something.
The Fightclub is close to being ready, but not quite there yet as some renovations are still ongoing. On top of that, we’re setting up the basis for our money laundering side of things. Fighting is all well and good, but the real money will be in the exchanges, the bets, and it has to work seamlessly.
Madds lands another punch in Finn’s gut, and steps back when he falls to the ground, bracing himself on his hands and one knee. He taps once, then twice on the ring floor, and Maddox pulls him up.
In the last month since the funeral, things have started to fall back into some semblance of normal, although my brother appears to have found a new one. All his free time, as little as there is of it, since we’ve been working hard to consolidate our organization, is spent letting out steam in this ring, or… in bars. He hasn’t brought a woman home, but we keep an eye on our own… and our own is out with a different woman almost every night. Sometimes more than one. I’m not asking him about it. He’ll just yell at me that I’m not his father. He’s done that since we were much younger and our parents were away, as always.
God knows our father had a very interesting lifestyle himself. Always fucking around, never the same woman, no issue whatsoever in having them throw themselves at his feet, considering his looks and bank account. Then our mother came along and, all of a sudden, he forgot other women existed. He and Uncle Preston told us the stories on a drunken night years ago. I can’t help but wonder if Finn takes after him? Or was Hanna that woman?
Fuck, he’s only twenty-one. There’s so much life before him. There has to be more. I take a deep breath and push all those thoughts away.
“Are you guys gonna clean up? The newbies have joined us upstairs,” I ask.
“Fucking hell, you’re light on your feet.” Finn startles slightly. “What time is it?”
“Just passed eight-thirty. Midnight is getting busy tonight.”
“Nice! Yeah, give us a few minutes. We’ll be right up.”
