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It bothers me to use my voice in public because hearing-people have been telling me it sounds weird all my life, but with my family, I never feel strange, and I know it's important to my brother that I use it when I talk with him and his little daughter.
I quickly make a simplified version of the sign for'Water'by holding my hand near my mouth with the three middle fingers extended in a ‘W’pattern, and then I take both hands and bob them up and down between us, making waves. Finally, I place my thumb on my nose, extend my index and middle fingers, and then wiggle them, imitating little antennae as I sign her full nickname and also sound it out with my voice. "Hello, Sea Bug," I say, and she squeals in delight, blue eyes luminous in the setting sun.
I kneel in front of her, arms open, and pull her to my chest, giving her a squeeze and a tickle. I feel her giggles against me before she moves back and grasps my hand, making it swing with hers as she bounds back up to the porch and to her Daddy, dragging me behind her.
We walk inside, and Jared and I immediately start to work on making dinner together. We sign about the day, using sim-com for Anna's benefit.
Being only three, it's not like she really cares to know how my workday went or that her father was still on boring desk duty today because he pissed off a superior last week, but we like to always make sure she feels included in the conversation.
God knows how deeply it hurt me to be excluded from the spoken conversations going on around me wherever I went when I was growing up. I'll cut my hand off before I make my little niece feel left out in such a way.
It'sover two hours later when we're done eating our dinner of homemade extra cheesy Mac and Cheese and fruit salad. Anna is practically half-asleep on the sofa, a plush teddy bear clutched in her little hands as she curls into her father's side, and I’ve finally found the balls to tell Jared about myClose-Encounter-Of-The-Rock-Star-Kind, all the while trying to downplay what went down.
'So, guess what happened to me today,'I start.
My brother shrugs, sinking further down into the sofa.'Too sleepy to play guessing games. Just come out with it.'
I plaster a mock-disgusted expression on my face.'You're sleepy?! Man, it's half past nine on a Friday, and you're thirty-two, not eighty-two. You need to learn to live a little!'
He rolls his eyes at me, waving my words away.’ Never mind that. Tell me what happened today.'
A tattered breath escapes me as I try to make it look like it wasn't a big deal while also wondering why is it that I'm feeling so nervous over talking about such a meaningless anecdote that I'm sure Mr. Gabriel already has forgotten all about.
'So, I was making sure that the Oriental Suite was in good shape, and I got distracted… I didn't realize the guest had gotten in while I was in the balcony and… well, let's just say he got pissed off I was there and—'
Jared sits up and raises both hands, signing'Whoa, wait'and interrupting me. 'Some guy got pissed at you just because you were in there doing your job? What an…'He makes a little hole with his hand, then signs the letter'F'and drags it up and down, making me laugh.
Every single swear word I know in ASL, my brother learned first so he could teach me to be a badass, and just now, he definitely called Mr. Gabriel something far from polite.
I nod, batting his hands away.'Yeah, well. Sure, the guest did act like kind of an asshole jerk, but…'
'Want me to fuck his shit up?'Jared asks.
I laugh harder.'What?! No! You're not some mobster. You're FBI!'
He wags his eyebrows at me, fingers tapping his perennially five-o'clock-shadowed chin. ‘There is more than one way to fuck someone's shit up, little sister. If he's staying at the Mandarin, he must be some rich bastard. Say the word, and I'll sic one of my buddies from IRS on his ass!'
I shake my head.'Do be serious, Jar! I didn't bring this up to rouse your big-brotherness!'
He tugs on my nose. ‘No way I can turn that off, Mia. I'm always going to protect you…’
I smile at him. "I know that," I tell him using my voice.
Jared points at himself, then at me. He puts both hands in front of his chest and makes the sign for'Always.'Then he extends the index and middle fingers of both hands and bends them toward each other, bumping them together, signing'Squirrel’—his nickname for me.
I nod emphatically.‘Yes, I know. And I love you for that. You'll always be my big brother.'I make my hands into claws and cross my arms, hugging myself with one hand on each shoulder, and then I scratch up and down, signing his own pet name ‘Bear'and making him smile.
He sighs. ‘I hate that you have to work in the first place. It pisses me off knowing someone was unkind to you…'
Gee, I really walked into this one. I should have known better than to poke the overprotective bear.
I wave his words away, but he shakes his head.
'I wish you could just focus on studying like we originally planned…'he signs to me, looking frustrated.
I shrug. ‘Nothing we can do about it now. And before you start, it's not your fault. And I don't mind working. Most days, I even like it.'
Jared gives me a disbelieving look.
