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His words send a thrill through me, but I push it down. I can't afford to let my guard down. I can't trust Ryder...
Can I?
Ryder
I put her in the truck, secured her seatbelt, and then drove. The ride to her house was filled with silence. I didn't try to fill it or push conversation because I'm not fucking sure what to say. I don't know how to reassure her. How do I fix the damage that I didn't cause…but did? It's confusing. There's no way I would've let this go if I had known. I would have tried to fix it, even if I was still with Emily. I need to figure out how to give myself a clean slate with Tillie. The attraction between us is too powerful to give up on. I’m praying like fuck she feels the same way.
Pulling my truck into her driveway, I expect her to speak up and argue with me, but she doesn't. She's quiet and I have no idea if that’s a good or a bad thing. I look over at her, noticing her breathing is heavier, betraying the fact that she’s still upset. She, however, just looks out the window, saying and doing nothing. She’s completely lost in her thoughts—and that I know isn’t good for me.
I hop out, walking around the front of the truck to open the door, and she still doesn't move. Leaning in, I unbuckle her, putting an arm under her knees and the other around her, as I pull her in close. She hesitates, holding herself stiff for a minute before resting her head against my chest.
“I can walk,” she says so quietly that I wonder if I imagined it for a second.
I pull her out, releasing her legs so that she slowly slides to her feet to the ground.
I keep her wrapped in my arms, kissing her forehead before I pull back to look at her. “I like having you in my arms, Buttons.” She reaches into her jeans pocket, pulling out the key as we walk to the front door. She goes to open it, but I pick the key out of her fingers, getting to it first. “I got it, sweetheart,” I respond before opening the door.
“How about you go take a hot shower while I lay out your pajamas. Then, we can talk,” I suggest, placing the key on the counter.
“I really think I'm all talked out tonight, Ryder,” she says, shaking her head. “I told myself that I would make sure I never felt like an idiot over a man again. Today, I do. I feel bruised on the inside, not where anyone can see, but where Ifeel.I'm too tired to talk.”
Before she can say anything else, I pick her up, carrying her into the bathroom.
“Why do you keep picking me up?” she whimpers, exasperated and I swear she sounds close to tears and that’s the last thing I want.
“I'm going to get you in the shower,” I mutter. I need something to calm her down and get her out of this mood that old memories have pushed her into. I walk to her bathroom and sit her sweet ass on the sink counter. “You’ve had a bad day, Tillie. You need a hot bath and some sleep.”
I turn to the shower, turn the water on and adjust it to a good temperature. I brace myself, because I fully expect her to fight me, but I need to show her that she can’t win. I’m going to take care of her.And Tillie?She’s going to be mine completely.
“Why are you doing this, Ryder?” she asks quietly. I can hear the pain mingling with hurt and disbelief in her words.I don’t like it.
I sigh as I turn back to face her, cupping her face in my hands as I look into her eyes. "Tillie, I want you. And despite probably having every reason to hate me, I think you want me, too. You don't have any reason to believe me. I know that and I get it, but I'm asking you to believe me when I say that I would rather cut off my arm than hurt you. Believe it or not, but I even felt that way back then. I don’t know how this happened, but I didn’t do this, Buttons.”
“Your mother told mine that very thing. She never believed you were involved either,” she tells me in a whisper.
“Thank fuck, someone in my family doesn't, because Tucker definitely thinks I do. Hell, maybe all of them but her do.”
“I'm sorry, Ryder,” Tillie whispers, her words sounding broken. “I didn’t know my mother was going to talk to yours. I swear. I would have stopped her if I had known. I didn’t want anyone to know. I just wanted to forget it ever happened.”
“This is not your fault. None of it. The only thing bothering me is that I'm afraid you will hold it against me and not give me a chance to prove to you that I want you. We can be good together, sweetheart.”
She sighs. “I wish I had never agreed to lunch with your brother,” she mutters.
“God, me too,” I laugh as she gives me a tiny smile.
“Sorry.”
“You okay to take a shower? Or would you like me to join you?” I grin down at her, daring her to invite me to join.
“I'm not sure taking a shower would be the smart play here, Ryder,” she says, glancing at the water running behind me.
“Fair enough. What are you ready for?”
Disappointment fills me, but I push through. This is a small setback, but she’s not demanding I leave. She’s here with me and I have to believe we will get through this and continue what we started last night. I watch as she thinks things over. I literally see the different emotions flickering over her face. She seems hesitant as if she thinks I will hate what she’s about to say and I brace myself.
“I wouldn't mind cuddles and a movie…” She blushes, obviously uncomfortable. “That probably sounds really lame to you after what we did this morning.”
“Just to be clear, will any of these cuddles involve you being naked?” I ask, making her blush deepen.
