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There’s still a sparkle in his eyes telling me it truly is okay with him. That releases some of the tension inside me. It’s going to be okay. Ryder’s not running for the hills. In fact, he seems more relaxed than I am. Because of that I’m able to take a breath and relax.
“Tell me, Ryder, how is your team doing this year? I try to follow, but they don’t give us a lot of information this far out.”
“We’re doing okay—” I hear Ryder say before his voice gets so distant that I can’t really hear it anymore. Still, I stand there looking at the area he disappeared from.
“God, all these years and that man still has a hold on you,” Mom mutters and that’s when I jerk my attention back to her.
“Huh?”
“Ryder Monroe. That man is your kryptonite.”
I know right now is a bad time to laugh. Mom is clearly upset, and I need to find a way to allay her fears. Still, it is funny. Mom is a huge Henry Cavill fan. Okay, honestly, every woman with a pulse is probably a huge Henry Cavill fan, but Momreallyis. Her love of him is only rivaled by one person.Me.I mean, c’mon. The man is a god. He couldn’t be more perfect if he was chiseled out of stone by Michelangelo himself. We binge watch his movies together and we do it with a huge bowl of buttered popcorn and giggle fits that could be likened to teenage girls. This is just one of the small reasons that my mother is my best friend in the world and why I know I need to find a way to reassure her that I’m okay.
I’m just not sure I know how to do it.
“Mom…”
“Don’t you Mom me. That man left you broken, Tillie. He hurt you in ways you lost your beautiful smile, and it never fully came back, not once.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is,” Mom insists, and I sigh.
“Okay, it ispartiallytrue. It’s just not anymore.”
“Why am I supposed to believe everything is different now? What’s to keep him from breaking you again. I’m sorry, but you can’t expect me to get behind the fact that you’re dating the man that ripped your heart out once before.”
“I can and I do. Ryder didn’t know anything about the note that Emily gave me. He wrote that note to Emily,” I explain, steadfastly trying to ignore the way that stings.
“So, he says,” Mom huffs.
“So, Iknow.Honestly, Mom, I knew it back then. Ryder isn’t the type to do that kind of thing. I knew all along that Emily had played me for a fool, but that didn’t change the fact that seeing him hold her and proclaim his love to her didn’t crush me, it did.”
“Exactly. Do you really want that kind of pain again, baby? Because I have to tell you, I don’t think I can sit idly by and let that happen.”
“Mom, I love him. I’ve always loved him. It’s not going away. I’m not outgrowing it. I love him and that love is staying. It’s not going anywhere. If I don’t take this chance—this chance to be with him and get to know him, let him get to know me—I know I will always regret it.”
“Tillie—”
“Always, Mom. Ihaveto do this. I promise I’m being careful. I’m being so careful that I’m questioning Ryder and backtracking every single time I turn around.”
“Then why—”
“But Ryder is being patient with me and he’s slowly showing me that he’s here with me, he’s present, and he wants the two of us. God, Mom, youknow. You know more than anyone. That’s what I’ve always wanted.”
“If he hurts you again, I’ll kill him.”
I do laugh at that. “You wouldn’t. You don’t have it in you. You won’t even squash an ant crawling on the ground beside you.”
“It’s bad karma,” she mutters. “But if Ryder Monroe hurts my baby again you better believe I would squash him. It would make me happy to do it, too.”
I smile. She’s serious. She’d go through fire for me. I do the only thing a daughter could do when faced with an overwrought, protective mother. I walk into her arms and squeeze her tight.
“I love you, Mommy,” I whisper, instantly feeling like I’m six years old again and I’ve scraped my knee and only my Mom and Band-Aids can make me feel better.
She wraps her arms around me and her fingers glide through my hair. “I love you, baby. I love you, too.” I know she does. She never fails to show me. Yet, every time I hear those words, the world seems better somehow. “But if he hurts you again, bad karma or not, I will squash him,” she warns.
I pull back laughing. “So noted,” I answer.
