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I squeeze her hand for reassurance. I start to disengage, but Mary keeps holding it and I let her. I’m not sure of all the dynamics around here, but I know I like Mary—like a lot. That means I’m going to be here for her in whatever way I can be.
Even if it’s letting her break my hand because she’s holding it so tight.
Ida Sue
“I told you I was sorry, Jan. You don’t have to keep harping on it!”
I can’t handle it anymore. He’s been giving me the cold shoulder since I got arrested. I don’t know what he expected me to do. I couldn’t let Gladys get killed and that damn cop was killing him.
I can admit I was scared, and I don’t know how to explain that to Jan—mostly because he won’t talk to me. I’m so worried that I can’t make him understand that Hamburger is like my kid. To most, he’s just a cow. He’s family to me. Jan should know above anyone that I would fight to the death for the people I love and that includes Hamburger.
“Apparently, I do, because you still haven’t grasped the fact that you could be in jail right now, Lovey! Jesus, if I’m harping it’s because I’m praying something I said will get into that thick brain of yours.”
“Thick brain? Who the hell do you think you are?”
“I’m the man who is trying to save you from yourself and getting fucking tired.”
“Jan…” I whisper a sick feeling hitting my stomach.Getting tired?What does that mean? Jan wouldn’t leave me or the life we’ve built together…Would he?
“I’m pregnant!” Marigold yells out.
“Now’s not the time, Mary, honey,” Jansen says, his voice soft—the same tone he gives me. The same tone he hasn’t used on me since the day I was arrested and called him from jail crying.
“I’m pregnant, Dad. Shouldn’t you and Mom be going crazy about now?”
“Too late, your mother has already driven me crazy.”
“Fine, Jan. Just leave if I’m such a damn stone around your neck.”
“Shut your mouth, woman. Now you’re just talking insane.”
His words are gruff, but they reassure me just the same. That combined with the fear he lets me see on his face and for the first time since this whole thing started, I breathe easier.
I need a breath, so I turn to look at my daughter. “Marigold, I already knew you were pregnant.”
“What? You can’t.”
“I did,” I lie.
“How on earth did you know I was pregnant?”
“I’ve been slipping you stuff to help the process along.” I mumble another lie–well, semi–lie.
I catch Jansen’s look and he shakes his head at me. He knows I’m lying. He doesn’t rat me out, though.We’re going to be okay.
“You what?” Marigold screeches.
I shrug. “I put some extra herbs in your food when you came home to eat.”
“Why would you do that?”
“You having a baby is the only way I could make sure that man of yours wouldn’t split you apart. Having a kid will stretch you out. It was the only choice really.”
Lord, my kids. I love them all but every damn one of them thinks I could control the weather. Now, I will admit that I did help push White and Kayla along, but my baby wanted babies and White would never admit it, but he did, too. I just gave them what they wanted. And okay, maybe I did butt in a few more times, but my kids—for such amazing people—can be dumb as a bucket of rocks at times. Like my Marigold. She’s wanted a kid for as long as I can remember. She’s just been too afraid to trust she can handle it. My Marigold doesn’t understand that she’s the strongest of all my kids. She’s got magic in her.
Okay, maybe I did put a few extra fertility pills in her coffee. Maybe I didn’t.
I’ll never tell.
