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“I’m sorry. Did I say something I shouldn’t have? I just don’t know a lot about your family growing up.”
Landon stared at the table. “It’s okay. I don’t talk about it much. Kyle knew, but I guess he felt it was my personal business.” He folded his arms across his chest. “When I was a little kid, I thought I had a good family. My mom stayed at home with me and was there when I left in the morning and when I got off the bus. She did the best she could, but she was on her own most of the time. My dad traveledallthe time. It started out as a few days here and there. Then we would see him on the weekends, and sometimes he would be gone for a couple of weeks. Then he would come home and stay for a month without leaving. During those times, he was an awesome dad. He took us to baseball games, concerts, the park, all kinds of places. When he was home, it was all fun dad all the time. Then I remember hearing him and my mom arguing at night when I was in bed. She would say he came in to have fun and leave again, and she was the one who was raising me and keeping the rules on her own.”
Hailey reached out and put her hand on his arm. “That must have been hard on her and on you.”
He shrugged. “I guess I was used to it. My mom had a lot to do, but I thought my dad supported us since she didn’t have to work. So maybe it wasn’t so bad. I was too young to understand.” He swallowed hard to push down the emotion, so he could get the words out. “Then when I was fourteen, he was leaving on a trip one day, and he forgot his phone. My mom found it in the bedroom. When she picked it up and looked at the message on the screen, that’s when she found out. The text was from another woman, and it said, “Can’t wait for you to be home tonight.”
Hailey furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. She looked the same way he had felt when his mom showed him the message.
“After some digging and confronting my dad, she found out the whole truth. He had another family in the other town.”
Hailey’s hand flew to her mouth as she gasped. “Landon,” she whispered quietly. “No.”
He nodded. The fresh pain stung his heart all over again, and he waited to be able to breathe. Finally, he was ready to continue. “He had been with her for years. They have two kids, younger than me.”
“Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what that was like.”
“It’s all a blur now. I think I’ve suppressed a lot of my memories at that time. I don’t remember much about that school year. I almost got kicked off the soccer team because I missed so many practices. But when my coach found out what happened, he let me stay, and he assigned my friends to pick me up and bring me to practice. That’s the only thing that kept me going.”
“So what happened with your mom?”
“She told him to take his stuff and never come back.”
“Did the other woman know about you?”
He shook his head. “She found out when my mom called to tell her my dad left his phone. He had them both believing when he was with the other family that he was traveling for work. She screamed on the phone. I’m sure she was upset, but she decided to let him stay with her anyway. I guess it’s because she still had little kids and didn’t want to raise them on her own. Who knows? Maybe he just convinced her she was the one he loved. I’ve only seen my dad a handful of times since then.”
“I’m so sorry, Landon.”
He finally looked up at her again. “Thank you. Like I said, I don’t like to talk about it. After that, I decided I would work hard and focus on my job. I figured it was better to just be on my own. I did my best to take care of my mom, but after I graduated from high school, she moved away. She said she didn’t want to be reminded of the life she had with him.”
Hailey sighed. “Didn’t she realize she also had a life here with you?”
Landon shrugged. “I think it just hurt too much. She met a man on a single’s cruise when I was in college and moved to South Carolina to marry him.”
“Do you still see her?”
He nodded. “Usually at Christmas, and maybe one other time during the year. We talk on the phone at least once a week. She’s happy with him, and I just hope he never hurts her.”
“Seems like it will be okay, if they’ve been together this long.” Hailey’s tone was hopeful.
“She had been with my dad since their senior year of college. Married after that, had me three years later, and he met the other woman when I was eight. I don’t think there’s a time limit on walking out.”
Hailey sniffed. “I understand. I know it’s not the same thing, but I thought that Kyle would be with me forever. I took for granted that he would be there when the kids were graduating from high school and getting married. No, he didn’t choose to leave, and I’m not saying it’s the same thing. But I understand that life doesn’t always go the way we think it will.” She reached out and put her hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry he hurt you. People do things that don’t make sense, and it just isn’t fair. That must have been so hard on you at an age when a father is so important.”
“I think that was the hardest thing. I decided then and there that I could make it without him because we already had. Then when I got older, I knew I never wanted to be that vulnerable to someone again. I decided I didn’t want to get married or have a family; it would just be too hard.”
Hailey pulled her hand back from him. “And now?”
Landon gave her a slight grin. “I feel like I’ve been given a family I don’t deserve. Kyle was my best friend and a wonderful father. It’s really not fair that he isn’t here to see his kids grow up. I made a promise to him that I would be there for all of you, and I want to keep that promise. Now that I’m here, doing life with you and the kids, it feels like I don’t deserve it. That makes me want to work harder for it and hope that somehow I can be half the man he was.”
Hailey stared at the table for several moments as if she was thinking hard about her next words. “Landon,” she finally said. “I don’t want you to compare yourself to him. I know that’s easy to do because you knew him. You saw how he was as a husband and a father. You’re not the same man he was, but that’s not a bad thing. You’re you, and you don’t have to compete with him.”
Landon blew out a big breath. “I’m not sure about that. He’s the only standard of a good man that I know.”
“That’s not true at all. God is the standard for a good father. He is the only one who never makes mistakes. Kyle made mistakes. I made mistakes. We all do. But God is always there to lead and direct us. If you focus on Him, instead of an earthly man, you’ll be headed in the right direction.”
18
