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Garrett shook his head. “Yeah, I mean it happens. But it’s just the way that it happened and the way that they acted. That one guy,” he scoffed. “I don’t even know his name. But he just didn’t even seem to care. And why should he? He’s getting paid for his day’s work, and then he’s done here. He doesn’t have to care about the cows.”
“But everything’s fine now, right?” Elise asked.
“I don’t know. All I know is, it shouldn’t have happened. We should’ve been here. I should have been here. If my brothers want to go off and play, fine, but I won’t leave the ranch like this again. I wish I had never gone.”
Elise felt the sting of his words straight to her heart. She had treasured today, and now he was ruining all of it. “You wish you hadn’t spent the day with me?”
“Come on… You know I don’t mean that.”
“Do I? How would I know that? I thought we had a great day together. But none of that seems to matter. You would rather give all of it up to be here, even though there were people who took care of things, and nothing terrible happened. You can’t see past that.”
“It’s my job,” Garrett said as his voice rose a notch. “I can’t stand the thought that we left it to someone else to take care of and then a disaster happened.”
“So does that mean that you’re never going to leave? You were so angry that your siblings planned a surprise getaway for us. We managed to enjoy it, but now you’re blaming yourself and saying you wish that we didn’t go on our fun day off today.”
Garrett stood and paced the room. “You just don’t understand.”
“I think I do. I remember how you said you didn’t want any of this.” She pointed back and forth between them. “And you can’t let yourself enjoy a day off without thinking it’s your fault. Do you know what? If you think that everything is your fault, you think you’re in control. You think the ranch can’t run without you because you’re so important.”
Garrett stopped and turned to look at her as if he was pondering her statement. “You don’t think I’m important here? You don’t think that what I do is important?”
“Yes, I do think it’s important. And all of your brothers think it’s important. But none of them seem to be taking on the weight of this like you are. You think that your brothers are all going to go off and have families and live their lives, and you have to be the one to stay here and make sure that nothing terrible happens to the ranch. Well, that means you think that you are solely responsible, and that you yourself can keep terrible things from happening.”
“I never said I was in control.”
“You didn’t have to. It’s obvious that you think you can manage the ranch better than anyone else. I’m sorry that I pulled you away from it. If you want to be here, and only here, then I’m sorry that I ever asked you to be anywhere else.”
“This was all Sawyer’s idea.”
Elise bit her lip and stared down at the floor. “Yes, but I know that if Sawyer said everyone was going, you still would have stayed here, if it wasn’t for me and the boys. You went for us today, but now you’re telling me that it wasn’t as important as being here at the ranch.”
Garrett didn’t say anything for several moments.
Elise looked up when she heard him moving toward her.
“What do you want me to say?” he asked.
She held her hand up. “Nothing. I’m not mad at you, Garrett. You’ve always been who you are. You said you care about the ranch more than anything else, and nothing has changed. Everytime we start to get close, the ranch comes in and pulls you away again. I’m not mad. I can’t be. You’ve always said that’s exactly what you wanted.” She paused and looked him in the eyes. “But I am sad for you. Maybe you love the work, but there is more to life than work. Your brothers had a good time today, and none of them are blaming themselves for something happening when they had a day off. They have families and children that they care about. They’ve learned to work and have a life. And I’m just sorry that you’re missing out on that because you can only see the ranch as the most important thing.”
There was pain in Garrett’s eyes, and Elise could hardly believe she had been so bold to speak the truth.
“I always hoped when we were younger that one day you would figure that out, but I see now that you won’t. I appreciate the commitment you made to me and the boys, and I always will. Tonight, I think I’ll sleep on the couch, so you can get some rest. I’m sure you need it for the full day of work you’ll have tomorrow.”
She waited just a minute to see if Garrett would say anything else. When he didn’t, she went to her mattress and pulled off the blanket and pillow. Then she closed the door behind her as she walked out of the room.
28
Garrett left for work in the morning, just like he had done every morning for as long as he could remember. But today wasn’t like any other morning. He’d barely slept, despite the fact that Elise had reminded him he needed rest. His mind wouldn’t stop rolling her words over and over in his mind. His stomach hurt now, but not like he was sick. More like his guilty conscience was eating away at him from the inside.
Should he feel guilty? All he ever wanted to do was take care of the ranch. Wasn’t that important to the family legacy?
Then again, if he wasn’t leaving any family behind, what was the point of a family legacy? Maybe it wasn’t enough that he was leaving that part up to his brothers.
Garrett moved into the barn as his stomach growled since he skipped breakfast. He wasn’t ready yet to face his brothers after the way he ended the evening last night. He had thought he was blaming himself, but he was starting to see that by doing so, he was belittling the work they did too.
Just a few steps into the barn, he discovered that skipping the meal didn’t help anything.
“Morning,” Jenson said, stepping forward to greet him as the rest of his brothers stood behind him.
