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She stopped tickling me, smiling and laughing. Finally letting me catch my breath.
“Well, baby, girls are going to love you, and I’m not ready for any of that. You can never leave me, okay? You stay Momma’s Little Man for life, alright?”
I nodded, sitting up. “I won’t leave you, ever. I swear with my whole heart. But you won’t leave me either, right, Momma?”
“Mommas don’t leave, Aiden. Mommas never leave,” she replied, brushing the hair away from my eyes with a sad smile on her face.
“So then only dads leave?”
“Oh, Little Man … dads aren’t supposed to leave either.”
“But you said my daddy left.”
We never really talked about him. I never met him, she said he left before I was born.
The troubled look on her face made my chest hurt. It was one of the reasons we didn’t talk about the man that much.
“I’m sorry, Momma, I don’t want to make you sad.” I gave her a hug, wanting to make her feel better. She always said my hugs were the best and the cure to anything in this world.
“I don’t need a daddy, Momma. I have you. You’re all I need, I promise.”
“I’m sorry you don’t have a daddy, Aiden. I never wanted you not to have a daddy. But don’t you worry, Little Man, moms don’t leave. They never leave. I promise you, I’ll be with you forever, Aiden. It’s you and me against the world,” she repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. “Just me and you against the world, Little Man.”
The words played out in my head again and again, remembering the last happy memory I had of her before she got sick. I didn’t mind taking care of her, though. It’s what you did for the people you loved. You took care of them.
No matter what.
“Momma, when are you going to feel better, so we can play? Do you think you’ll feel better next week? Joey, Felix, and Tyler’s parents won’t let them play with me anymore, cause you’re never around to watch us. They won’t even let me play with them at their houses where their parents can watch us. Something about me not thinking or acting like a seven-year-old boy should, cause I’m always taking care of myself. And you’re making me grow up too fast.” I rolled my eyes. “Whatever that means.”
“Oh, Aiden…”
“It’s okay, Momma.” I shrugged. “I didn’t want to tell you, but I’m really missing my friends. So do you think you might feel better by next week?”
“Oh, Aiden…” she repeated, looking up at the ceiling with tears in her eyes.
“Please don’t cry. I don’t like it when you cry.”
It was what I hated the most about telling her what people were saying. My teachers at school were always asking me questions about my home life. All sorts of questions that had nothing to do with them. Most of the time I just lied to keep them from asking me again, but it never worked. Sometimes the principal would even call me into his office with the guidance counselor, and that always made me really nervous.
They said everyone was just looking out for me because they were concerned. I guess all eyes were on me since they found out I was walking to and from the bus stop by myself. The walk wasn’t even that far, not as far as the small grocery store on Rubles Road.
Now that was a very long walk, and the lady behind the counter always had the saddest eyes when she saw me. Kind of like Momma’s right now. I didn’t like it when anyone was sad, especially when I was the cause.
It was the worst feeling in the world.
Maybe I did grow up faster than the other kids in my class, but who wanted to be a little boy anyway?
Not me.
I was Momma’s Little Man, and I took my job of being the man of the house very seriously. Besides, it wasn’t that bad. I didn’t have a bedtime, I ate when and what I wanted, and I didn’t have to answer to anyone like my friends did with their moms and dads. Sure, sometimes it sucked having to take care of myself, but Momma needed me, and that was just the way things had to be.
But it was being alone that got to me the most, especially now that my friends were taken away from me too.
“Momma, it’s not a big deal. I’m sorry I made it sound bigger than it was. I guess … I just miss you, that’s all. I don’t like not having anyone to talk to or to play with. It’s not fair I’m being pushed away for having to take care of us. Ya know?”
“I know, baby. You’re such a good boy. You’ve always been my good boy. You know that too, right? Please, tell me you know that, Aiden.”
I nodded, hating the sound of her voice when she was sad. “Of course, I know, Momma. I’m your Little Man. I’ll always take care of you. So please don’t cry anymore. You know how much I hate it.”
