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“I will never leave you,” she choked out, coughing over and over again.
I threw my arms around her neck, holding onto her as tight as I could. Showing her, she wasn’t leaving me. I wouldn’t let her, she’d just have to take me with her.
Momma, you’re all I have.
You’re all I’ve ever had.
Her breathing came out in quick, short puffs, like she couldn’t catch her breath. Whispering, “I will always…” she gasped for air. “Be here for you… Just because.” She started coughing, gasping for more and more air. “You can’t … see me, doesn’t mean … I’m not here.”
“It’s not fair. It’s not fair that this is happening,” I rasped, fresh tears soaking her green hospital gown. Struggling for my next breath, I asked, “Who’s going to tell you everything is going to be okay, Momma? Who’s going to tell me? Who’s going to cover my eyes during the scary parts of movies? Who’s going to tell me they love me? I don’t have a daddy! Or an aunt or a grandma! I don’t have anyone but you! Who’s going to help me back to sleep when I have a bad dream? Who’s going to be there for me when I get home from school? Who, Momma, who if not you? Don’t you see? Don’t you get it? You’re all I have! You’re all I’ve ever had! There’s no one else but you! So either you take me with you, or you stay with me! You stay with me, Momma, because that’s what you said, that’s what you promised! Mommas don’t leave! You have to remember! Please, you have to stay with me!”
My body fell onto hers. Crying for what seemed like hours, just lying there. She tried everything to calm me down. Weakly humming “Smile”, like she had since the day I was born.
Smile, though your heart is aching.
Nothing could make me smile, laugh, or be happy. I’d be nothing without her.
Nothing.
“Everything is going to be okay, baby.” She rubbed my back, holding me close, as close as possible. “I love you more than anything in this world. I have loved you since before I even met you, my beautiful boy. With those bright blue eyes that have always been able to see inside my soul. What we share, the love, the bond, the connection between us … it can never be broken, Aiden. No matter where I am, no matter who you’re with, we’re together in here.” She placed her hand over my fast-beating heart. “You’ll find someone who will always be there for you.”
“I will?”
“Yes, I swear it.”
“How do you know?”
“Because, Aiden. I’ll personally send her your way. I promise.”
All I could do was nod because I couldn’t find the words to tell her how much I loved her.
How much I needed her.
How sad and alone I would be without her.
What’s going to happen to me?
It wasn’t until she placed her hands on the sides of my face that it felt like I was dying too. “Listen to me, Aiden Hazel Pierce, because I will only be able to say this once. I need you to remember you can be anything you want to be. Do you hear me? You do not let what happens next in your life define who you are. Do you understand me? You make your own path, baby. Your own path and bright future that I know you’re capable of. I need you to promise me you will do something amazing in this world. You will make something of yourself that will have me so damn proud of the man you’ve become. Because I’ll be right here, baby.” She nodded to my heart. “Watching, listening, cheering for you until the day we can be reunited again. I’ll be waiting for you with open arms, my beautiful boy. Now prom—”
“Momma.” I tried to pull my face away, but she held me as tight as she could.
“Promise. Me.”
Even though I didn’t want to, I nodded. My eyes dropping to the ground as I did.
“Let me hear you say the words.”
“I promise.”
“I need you to mean it, Aiden. Please, for me. Mean it for me.”
“Okay.” I looked up at her. “I’ll do it for you, Momma. I promise, I’ll do it for you.”
She smiled through the tears, and before I knew what was happening, the machines around her started going off. “I. Love. You, babyyyy—”
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“Momma.”
