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Before.
Before.
“Please,” I begged, losing all the fight I had left. My feet slipping out from underneath me, bringing me down to the cold floor.
I was so tired.
“Dear, God. Heavenly Father. Please let my momma be okay. Please let me see her. Please don’t take her away from me. She’s all I have. She’s all I’ve ever had. I can’t lose her, please don’t let me lose her. Please, God—”
When I heard the keys turning in the lock, I stood up quick. Thinking my prayers had been answered. Waiting to see my momma walk through that door.
With my heart pounding out of my chest, I greeted a woman I’d never met. Blurting, “You’re not my mom.”
She didn’t look at me at first. Instead, she nodded to the nurse who pulled me in here, and then to the tall, scary man I didn’t know, before finally looking me in the eyes.
The look on their faces made my belly ache and my muscles squeeze tight, but I still didn’t let it get to me.
I had to stay strong for my momma.
The woman with kind eyes got down in front of me, putting herself at my eye level.
“Hi, Aiden. My name is Misty, and I work for CPS. Do you know what CPS is?”
I swallowed what felt like something mushy in my throat, slowly shaking my head no. Trying to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, like Momma showed me when I was scared.
“Well, I work with kids and their parents, Aiden. I make sure kids are safe, having a place to live and getting everything they need. Do you understand?”
I nodded because I couldn’t get the words out.
“Can you tell me a little bit about what happened today?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Can you take me to see my mom? Please. I just want to see my mom.”
For a second her eyes moved to the other people in the room before she said, “Aiden, I’m going to need you to come with us, okay?”
“Are you going to take me to her?”
“No, I’m not, but I will take you somewhere that has people who will take care of you.”
I stepped back, getting away from her. “I don’t want to go with you, I want my mom. You’re not my mom. You can’t take me anywhere.”
They taught us stranger danger in school. I knew all about it.
“I know you want your mom, sweetie, but she’s…” She stopped talking, taking a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Aiden, but your mom is gon—”
“NO!” I instantly covered my ears and shut my eyes as tight as I could. “I can’t hear you! I can’t see you! I want my momma! I want my momma! Get away from me and go get my mom! I want my mom! I hate you! I’m not going anywhere with you! I want my mom now!”
Strong hands grabbed my wrists, yanking my hands away from my ears, and I lost it. Going after anything I could see in the office, I destroyed everything around me. I ran around the office, that I now saw was the hospital’s playroom, my feet stomping everywhere I stepped.
Ripping pictures off the walls…
Throwing toys out of the buckets…
Shoving magazines off the tables…
Screaming, “You’re not my mom! You’re lying! She’s not gone! She promised me she’d never leave! She promised me! Moms don’t leave! Moms aren’t supposed to leave!”
My eyes were blurry from my tears, and my body was filled with so much hate.
