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“You cannot do this! You cannot manhandle me every time just to get your way! It’s not fair, McGraw,” she yelled, taking me away from my thoughts.
“Unlucky for you. I don’t give a flying fuck.”
I leaned her back, putting my hand over her mouth, sensing she was going to scream. I placed her up against my Jeep again not taking my hand away from her mouth.
Her nostril’s flared and her chest heaved.
“You are so goddamn beautiful that it hurts to look at you sometimes.”
Her eyes widened, not expecting what she had just heard.
“You’re not going to talk.” I shook my head. “You’re going to listen to every word I have to say.” I nodded, gently letting my hand fall from her mouth. I had to explain, I knew it was the only way she would ever forgive me.
She swallowed hard but didn’t say anything.
“I don’t know what happened back there and frankly I don’t give a shit. I watched my girl—”
“You were surfing,” she interrupted.
“My eyes are always on you, darlin’. I always know where you are.”
She bit her lip, surprised by my declaration.
“But if you interrupt me one more time. You’re giving me no choice than to cover that sweet mouth again.”
She narrowed her eyes at me not saying a word, though she didn’t have to, her eyes spoke volumes all by themselves.
“I fucked girls, Aubrey, plenty of them,” I simply stated, catching her off guard.
“That’s all I’ve ever done. It made me feel good. It made me happy. It made things easier for me. I used girls, but you want to know somethin’, suga’, they used me, too. It was a win-win situation. I come from a happy home, my parents’ clearly love each other, but I still ran from love. I chalked it up to normal boy bullshit. Ya feel me?”
She didn’t move, her eyes intently placed on my face, waiting for the next thing I was going to share.
“I’ve seen Lucas and Alex… fuck me…” I breathed out. “My two best friends battle this connection they’ve had since they were kids. Since before I knew what the fuck it even meant. I see Lily. And I know you see her, too. Jacob’s never going to see it coming. She’s going to hit him like a ton of fucking bricks.”
The expression on her face softened and it gave me the push to keep going.
“It’s all so fucking messy, so fucking complicated, so fucking forbidden. I didn’t want shit to do with that. Not for one damn second. Unlike Austin who has no damn clue who he is, that’s the difference between him and I, I do. I know I’m an asshole. I don’t pretend to be something I’m not, darlin’. I don’t need to and I don’t fuckin’ want to. Ain’t got time for that shit. I never hurt a girl and if they want to claim that I did, it’s only because it’s easier to blame someone else than to look in the goddamn mirror and realize who they really are.”
She frowned, sad for me.
“No, suga’, this isn’t about you feelin’ bad for me. I loved doing it. Sex, fucking, and being with someone was the closest I ever let myself go. It was addicting. My addiction. The feeling of another body pressed up against mine. Well, there’s nothing else like it. I did what felt good. No strings. No attachments. No unnecessary bullshit.”
I could tell she wanted to say something, but the need to know what I had to say was too strong for her to interrupt.
“For once, baby. For once in my life someone had the balls to call me out. Ain’t ever happened before. Especially by a girl. A hot-as-fuck girl,” I added, grinning.
She hid a smile.
“So, after years of watching my boys struggle with emotions and feelings and who the fuck else knows. All that shit that I ran away from, was staring me right in the face, I wanted it,” I paused, gazing deep into her eyes.
“I. Wanted. You.”
Her mouth parted, and I swear I could feel her heart beating against my chest.
“Except, I know, baby. I know you’re too good for me. I know the first time we have sex, make love… it’s going to mean something and maybe, I’m hoping that it’ll make me a better man. That you…” I tugged on the ends of her hair.
“That you’ll make me a better man.”
