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“I love you. I love you so fucking much,” I blurted, needing to have her hear me say it.
She just blinked with no emotion whatsoever.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I repeated, over and over again like a broken record, kissing all along her face.
She tucked her face into my neck and cried.
I lay there trying to hold her together, knowing it didn’t matter. She wasn’t the only one who died that day…
I died, too.
21
Aubrey
I didn’t sleep one second that night.
I barely remembered closing my eyes. Every time I did it took me right back to the moment my life was abruptly taken from me.
When I died.
I thought I hurt that day, but the pain the next morning was almost unbearable. There wasn’t one place on my body that felt like mine anymore. I was a stranger in my own skin.
Dylan held me the entire night, refusing to let me go. I wish I could tell you it gave me comfort, or made me feel safe, loved, and cared for.
It didn’t.
It made me sick to my fucking stomach.
His scent.
I resisted the urge to push him away and throw up all night. From the second he touched every one of my bruises in the shower, to the way he kissed over every one of them in the bed, down to the minute he looked in between my legs. I wanted to be sick.
I let him hold me because what else could I do?
I didn’t blame him.
But I couldn’t look at him either. Everything I loved about him was ripped away from me, his touch, his lips, his music, his smell.
His love.
Every single time I looked at him all I felt was hatred, hatred for the man that did nothing but love me.
He stirred a little when I moved away from him and I bit my lip hard to hold in the pain and not let it escape through my mouth. I didn’t want to wake him. I didn’t even want to be near him right now.
I don’t know what time it was when I decided to give up on pretending to sleep. I winced the instant my feet touched the carpeted floor, holding onto my ribs that were definitely broken. I stood there for a few seconds, breathing through the agony that took over the body I didn’t recognize. I slowly walked toward the bathroom, trying not to make a sound.
I wanted to be alone, I used to hate to be alone.
I wanted and needed to take another shower. To rinse away the filth that covered my entire body.
I could still smell him.
I could still hear him.
I could still fucking feel him all over.
When I finally reached the bathroom, I made sure to lock the door behind me. There wasn’t a chance in Hell that I would allow Dylan to hold me again. Once was enough. I cringed at the thought. I leaned over on the counter, completely naked and alone. Desperately trying to hold up my frame that seemed to want to give out on me.
