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He didn’t deserve this.
Me.
What was left of me.
I dug my fingernails as hard as I could into the palms of my hands to keep from giving in to every last promise he made. Every last word that fell from his lips.
I couldn’t do this to him anymore.
I needed to end it, knowing that all it would take was a few simple words.
I swallowed hard and with the coldest, detached voice I could muster, I said, “I don’t love you anymore. I can’t love you after what happened, it’s too hard. I just can’t. My love for you died the day that I did.” Tears fell down the sides of my face, one right after the other. Waiting for him to respond with what I already knew was coming.
The end.
“Promise?” he simply wept.
I closed my eyes and pictured that day.
His hands…
His lips…
His thrusts…
And whispered, “Always.” Hammering the final nail in the coffin.
I pushed him off of me like he disgusted me, and I knew he could feel it. I walked toward the door, looking back one last time to find him on his hands and knees, bowing his head in defeat as I bowed mine. I never meant to say all the hateful things that came out of my mouth. I didn’t think it was his fault. Not for one second. I was just trying to add fuel to the fire of our now tainted love.
I wanted one last time with him, I was planning on breaking his heart by walking out, I needed to set us free from each other, we had become toxic. But when he called me baby… Dylan was gone and the faceless man was in front of me. The two men became one and a volatile feeling took over.
I left him there, broken.
Knowing that he would never look at me the same.
Knowing that what we had was gone.
Knowing that he would now know that, too.
He would hate me, and the thought of that alone made my body shudder to the point of pain. I walked back to my mom’s car numb, cold, and alone.
I drove the entire way home in a fog of my own doing. I parked the car in the driveway, taking a deep breath before I turned my face to see what was in the passenger seat.
And then…
I fucking lost it.
I sobbed for hours upon hours, days upon days, months upon months.
Years to come.
Clutching on to the only love I’ve ever known who gave me the same jewelry box that made me feel not so alone because he knew that it would…
Undo me.
23
Dylan
