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Killian shakes his head, going back to sorting through tie pins.
“No, I’m not in touch. The man’s name is Fjall of Lysenia, and he’s the king of the country. Not only that, but the men in his family are rumored to carry a particularly potent gene that results in a double-pronged accessory. It’s just a rumor, but in my case, you can see that it’s true.”
I’m dumbstruck.
“I’ve heard of Lysenia before. It’s in Eastern Europe, right? It’s a really small country, and well, I don’t know much else past that. I didn’t even know they had a royal family.”
Killian shoots me a sideways grin.
“Yeah, a lot of countries in Europe still have nobility, believe it or not. I don’t think Fjall is much more than a king in name, though. Kind of like how Prince Charles, or should I say King Charles, is nominally the head of the UK, but not really. Everyone knows that Parliament and the Prime Minister run England, and not the Windsors.”
I nod, stunned by this wealth of new information.
“So your dad is King Fjall of Lysenia.”
“He is,” Killian confirms. “He and my mom hooked up when he was on walkabout in the United States more than forty years ago, and I was born.”
I stare at Killian’s strong profile
”Does King Fjall know about you?”
He shakes his head.
“No, because Jennie found out she was pregnant after Fjall had already left New York. Any other woman would likely have ended the pregnancy, but like I mentioned, Jennie’s stubborn. Thus, at the tender young age of eighteen, she had me,” he adds in a light voice. “I was born with two dicks, and the hospital staff surely knew. But they’re medical professionals, so they kept it under wraps. Then, as I got older, my mother warned me to keep my anatomy a secret from the other kids because the unwanted attention would have been terrifying.”
I nod.
“Jennie’s smart because I totally agree. You would have been subject to the jeers and taunts of boys and bullies alike. But how did you keep the secret under wraps your entire life? I mean, it’s been more than forty years now!”
Killian shoots me another sideways grin while fingering a selection of collar stays.
“You’re preaching to the choir, sweetheart. It’s been forty-three years of maintaining this secret, and it hasn’t been easy. I suppose it’s just discretion all around, and being monogamous helped a lot too. I didn’t date at all during high school, and I only had one college girlfriend. So Candace knew about my anatomy, definitely, but she kept her lip buttoned.”
“And after college, you got married to Marie,” I say in a low voice. “So she knew too.”
“My late wife did know,” Killian says in an even tone. “Marie, bless her heart, was a paragon of the female sex, and she never told anyone, even her closest girlfriends. My secret was safe for a long time, and I didn’t have to worry as a result. Can you imagine how awful it would have been if people found out? I’m basically a freak. It’s like having six fingers, but even worse because there’s an erotic aspect to my particular mutation.”
I nod.
“You know, back in the Middle Ages, people thought that women with six fingers were witches. Anne Boleyn allegedly had six fingers.”
“Then I’m glad I wasn’t born in the Middle Ages,” Killian says with a dry tone. “Otherwise, I’d likely be hunted down by the Inquisition and then burned at the stake.”
I giggle because the older man is a great conversationalist with an amazing sense of humor, and I’m enjoying our time together. I’ve always enjoyed my time with Uncle Killian, but who knew that discussing such a sensitive subject could actually be fun and interesting, in addition to being informative? I relax a little, although my ears are still perked because I don’t want to miss a second of this tale.
“So what’s going to happen?” I ask in a low voice. “I mean, your secret’s out now. Peopleknow. The ladies at the Junior League talk incessantly about it, and the rumors won’t just go away on their own because it’s too juicy. Especially if you keep dating in Allentown,” I add with a meaningful look.
Killian lets out a low sigh while staring at a selection of felt fedoras.
“Yeah, I’m kind of in a tough spot, huh? It’s been years since Marie passed, and I remained true to my wife for years. I loved Marie, and didn’t touch another woman until just recently. But a man has needs, and I finally signed up for one of those dating websites.” He lets out a disgusted grunt while scrubbing his cheeks with both hands. “Fuck, I’ve only been on LoveLifeLive for three months, and the rumors are already out of control.”
“They’re more than just out of control, Uncle Killian,” I say in a low voice. “It’s gale-force winds out there. Women are searching high and low for the man with double guns, and to be honest, I don’t know how your name hasn’t circulated yet.”
Killian shoots me another wry look.
“It’s because I’ve been using a fake name and fake photos on LoveLifeLive, sweetheart. I don’t use my real name and stats. Hell no.”
“Are you serious?” I gasp, eyes wide. “No way! You’ve been catfishing your dates?”
