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“Can’t. I have to get ready for work.” Roscoe bounded over to the water bowl, drank most of it, and then collapsed on the floor, panting. Typically, when I made food, Roscoe danced around my feet, hoping for a morsel, but this time, he seemed content to lie down and rest. Ezra, on the other hand, despite the sheen of sweat on his chest, didn’t look the least bit tired as he strode over to me.
“Did you take him jogging?”
“Yeah. It should tire him out for the morning so he can’t get into any more mischief.”
He said it matter-of-factly like he hadn’t done me a huge favor, even though he had. It was the same way he’d mentioned taking out the trash yesterday. Like it was normal. Like people did stuff like that for each other all the time.
Roscoe looked pretty tired, but he was giving me his happy doggy smile, so he was content. Hopefully, he would just nap while I was at work. But I hoped Roscoe didn’t get too used to this treatment. I definitely didn’t have the energy to run with him every day.
“Thanks for that,” I said while plating the last of the potatoes before turning around again to face him. “And for helping me with the trash too. Anyway, here’s breakfast. I know it’s not fancy, but I think it tastes pretty good. I made the bacon medium rare like how you like your steak, and also, the eggs—”
“How long have you had insomnia?”
I wasn’t at all surprised because I knew this question was coming. I just wished I could hold off on it, though. But regardless, I still replied, “My full-blown insomnia started recently. I’ve had sleep issues since I was young, but lately, I can’t sleep at all.”
“Since your father died?”
He was very perceptive. I nodded and walked away to place his plate on the kitchen table. Then, I came back to grab my plate, taking a fork and digging in. I was hoping he would take the hint, and we would eat in silence, but he wasn’t ready to let it go.
“Have you seen a therapist?”
“No,” I said a little more tightly. “I don’t do shrinks.”
“Why not?”
I shrugged. “I just don’t, okay? I don’t like people poking into my head.”
“You’d much rather kill yourself,” he said wryly. “Because that’s what happens when you don’t sleep enough.”
“I know that. I’m dealing with it.”
“Doesn’t look like it.”
Ah, I knew the illusion had to shatter at some point, and this was it. “Alright, thanks for all your help, but I think I’m going to get to work now,” I say pointedly.
He watched me knowingly for a second. I felt naked and vulnerable, which made me want to lash out even more.
But he didn’t say anything else, simply shaking his head. Then he began eating, and for the next few minutes, the silence throbbed with the words we couldn’t say.
FOURTEEN
EZRA
Later that day, I sat in an empty coffee shop, brooding over a cup of dark liquid. I should have been happy that I at least confirmed my suspicions about Tillie being Max’s daughter. I’d also figured out the nature of their contentious relationship. It meant I’d done half of the hard part. I found Max’s daughter, and now, I only needed to discover what she wanted out of life.
But at the same time, I could already tell his was going to be fucking hard.
Maybe even the hardest thing I’d ever done because Max’s daughter was my attractive neighbor, who had issues sleeping unless I was holding her in my arms.
Which made for an extremely fucked up situation.
I rubbed my hand over my face tiredly, trying to see a way out of my predicament. I was honest enough to recognize the extreme desire I felt for her, and I was self-aware to know how wrong it was. Man, I thought I was fucking above this shit already. At my age, a girl like that shouldn’t even be on my radar, much less be someone I desire. And the fact that she was Max’s daughter made me feel like even more of a skeevy bastard. God, I felt like an old creep lusting after her. My dick was rock hard the entire night while holding her, and even worse than that was when I watched her asleep, her features all soft and losing their defensiveness. I felt something then, an unsettling shifting feeling in my chest. Then there was how hard it was to let her go this morning when I wanted nothing more than for her to continue to sleep in my arms, safe and protected from all the other shit that was out there.
I wanted to protect her from everyone and everything.
God, I was in a huge heap of trouble.
But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how I felt about her or the fact that I dreamed about peeling off all the layers of her clothing and kissing every bit of her skin. All that mattered was that I would never in a million years act upon it. I was a man who had control over all my urges, and I wouldn’t let myself take advantage of a girl like that, particularly a girl who needed me. Even if I had to fuck someone else to get rid of this wretched craving.
