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“Tillie,” I called out, feeling so overwhelmingly sad for her.
Her face spun around to me, and intense relief shone in her expression. She dashed to me and grabbed my arm with shaking hands.
“Baby, what is it? What’s wrong?” I asked.
Instantly, her face crumpled, and she released a wail that could wake the dead.
“You left,” she murmured with a hiccup. “I woke up, and no one was here.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, guilt nearly swallowing me whole. I held her to me even as her body shook from the aftershocks of the trauma. Damnit, I didn’t even think about that.
I didn’t think she would wake up, and neither did I think she would react this badly.
This isn’t just about insomnia, I realized.This is a trauma response.
“It was horrible,” she groaned and wiped her eyes. “Horrible.”
Even as her sobs subsided, I felt an emotion twisting my heart like it did the last time she cried. It wasn’t exactly pity…it was something much stronger than that. I hated seeing her sad.
Unfortunately, I was about to be the person who made her saddest of all. Because I couldn’t keep lying to her about this. Every single day I kept the secret from her felt like a betrayal of the bond we were forming. And I felt like shit taking advantage of her ignorance because she also hadn’t consented to sleep with her dad’s friend. She’d consented to sleep with her harmless neighbor.
And I wasn’t that guy. I couldn’t be that guy in the long term.
I swept her into my arms and then carried her back up to her room before lying with her in my arms.
When she calmed down a little, I took a deep breath and finally said, “I have to tell you something.”
“Mmm.” Her voice sounded sleepy, a little soft and fragile now. She patted me on the chest. “Let’s go to bed first. You can tell me later.”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to do it later, and I have to tell you the truth about who I am.”
That statement caught her interest as she turned her head to peer up at me. “And who are you? Is Ezra not your real name?”
“It is,” I said. “But I haven’t been completely honest with other parts of my life. “Including why I’m in town. Your father’s name is Owen Jordan, right?”
She visibly stiffened at the mention of her father, frowning. “You know my dad?”
“Yes. We were old Navy buddies, except I knew him as Max. We were on the same team as SEALs. I came into town after I heard of his death. That’s the real reason why I’m here.” I looked into her eyes, which were now blank. “I’ve been looking for his wife and daughter and only found you by coincidence. I didn’t mean to keep it from you, but the truth is that I’ve been looking for you since before I even knew who you were.”
She blinked at me several times. It sunk in extremely slowly, like she was calculating every statement in her head to see if it made sense. And she finally concluded that it didn’t.
“Huh?” she muttered.
“I was your father’s commander,” I continued. “And after his discharge, I promised I would take care of him and his family for the rest of their lives. That includes you.”
“Wait,” she said. “You mean, this whole time you….”
“Not this whole time,” I interrupted. “I didn’t know who you were in the beginning, and it was difficult to track your father down due to his name change. But then I saw your birthmark and put two and two together.”
“Name change?” Her voice was more cold and confused as she shook her head again. “Wait, you knew him before he changed his name?”
Ah. So she knew about the name change. That made this easier, then. “Yeah.”
“And you…you knew him. Like knew him, knew him.” This seemed to be difficult for her to conceptualize.
“Yes,” I answered honestly.
She swallowed, her face turning emotional. “You were friends?”
