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“And you will be,” I said, then cocked my head, doing the math out of curiosity. “Just how much do you make anyway?”
“Enough,” he answered, smirking. “It’s enough to take care of you too.”
“Oh no. I wasn’t asking because of that. I was just—”
“I will take care of you, Tillie.” His eyes were suddenly intense on mine. “I need to. Everything you’ve been through, everything that happened to you, is my fault.”
But I didn’t blame him. Not at all. He’d been in the same battlezones as my dad and probably did the same things, but he didn’t turn into an abusive piece of shit. I doubted most of his men did either. Finding out what my father went through also didn’t make me like the man any more than I already did. If anything, it made me have a whole lot more respect for Ezra.
He’d come out of it, and instead of him letting the torture turn him bitter, he turned it into something good instead. He got help for his problems and used his guilt and trauma to assist others. How could I not admire a man like that?
But I did not doubt that he was just as scarred as we were.
I shook the thought off and said, “So, you're going tomorrow, right?”
He sighed, looking even more conflicted as he said, “I don’t know.”
“You have to. He needs you, and you’re not gonna forgive yourself if something happens and you weren’t there to help him.”
“Yes, but I can’t just leave you.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, laughing lightly. “I’m not the one in immediate crisis. And I’ve gotten enough sleep between yesterday and today to last a lifetime.”
He thought about it for a second and said, “I’ll be back by nightfall.”
“No, don’t rush.” I waved my hand at him. “Take your time. I can always stay with Brenda. I owe her a sleepover anyway, and she asked me to come over yesterday.”
He still looked doubtful, but he eventually nodded. “Alright, but you have to do me a favor first.”
“What is it?”
“I set up a therapist appointment for you. I want you to go today.”
I froze, and denial immediately jumped to my lips, but he raised an eyebrow at me. “If you don’t, then I’m not going anywhere.”
Ooh, he knew how to play hardball. I couldn’t just say no because if he stayed and anything happened to his friend, thenIwould never be able to forgive myself.
He smiled a little as I struggled with the decision, rubbing his hand over my cheek. I had the urge to brush him off, but I didn’t.
I avoided his gaze instead until he dragged my face to his and planted a kiss on my lips. It shocked me so much that I looked up at him.
“Tell me why you don’t want to go to see someone.”
“I just don’t like people in my head.” I shook my head. I didn’t know how to explain it differently, but I had some trauma from psychologists. I’d gone to see a shrink when I was younger, and it didn’t turn out well at all. It was after I showed up to school in the same clothes I wore the day before because my dad couldn’t be bothered at the time to get me new clothes, and I was down to my last pair of jeans. The teacher had asked why I was wearing the same clothes, and I’d been honest with her. Pity shone in her eyes as she sent me to see the school therapist, and then when I got there, I was somehow convinced to spill my whole guts.
Only to have everything I said be all over the school the next day.
Until today, I didn’t know who spilled the information, but it destroyed my trust in the system entirely.
And the worst part was that word had gotten back to my dad, and he’d been even more furious at me than usual.
Ezra didn’t look like he bought my excuse as he brushed my hair aside, tucking it behind my ears.
“I get it,” he said, which surprised me.
“You do?” I was doubtful.
“Yeah.” He smiled even more, but the kindness in his eyes took the sting out of it. “I wasn’t always this open with the whole therapy thing, if I were being honest. But when the PTSD started to directly affect my life and missions, I had to seek help. After all, how could I convince my men to get help when I didn’t want to do it? So I decided to try it out, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought.”
