AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Without a clear thought, I flipped her over, hearing her surprised squeal. In the next second, she was under me with her legs wrapped around my waist as I pushed into her slowly, torturously slowly.
Even as my mind slipped away, there was something in there, something that demanded I be gentle with her. So I annihilated myself, ignored the desire flaying me inside out, and focused on her eyes instead. I saw the pained pleasure in them as I pushed in deeper, the need surmounting as I began to move. I held myself up with one hand, shifting the other to play with her clit. Within moments, I felt her get wetter around my dick, the pleasure mindnumbing.
“Ezra.” Her gasps drove me crazy, and so did the knowledge that she was getting close to the edge. And in a surprised huff, she went over, coming hard.
Still, I refused to close my eyes and give myself to it. I refused to do anything but focus on the feel of her coming around my dick, her wetness soaking and breaking me until my body began to involuntarily thrust faster and faster.
And then, as I reached the pinnacle and finally erupted inside her, I knew one thing without a doubt.
I was in love with Tillie Jordan.
TWENTY-SEVEN
TILLIE
I was in love with him.
I must have known it all along because the thought didn’t come as a shock to me. Instead, when he stared into my eyes that were fiery with lust and mad with emotion, what I felt after was a quiet acceptance. I didn’t know when or how it happened, but I knew without a doubt that I was in love with Ezra.
And it was a mess on so many levels.
First of which was the fact that I was sure he didn’t feel the same way. He practically balked at the thought of marrying me. I knew, for him, this was very much still a fling that hadn’t yet run its course. Yes, he cared about me, but just as the daughter of his friend and as one of the many people he had to take care of. But love? Love would be difficult with a man like him. I couldn’t even think about him saying the words.
I turned to face him now, noting the exhaustion on his face as he slept. I didn’t blame him. He’d barely slept the night before and then had to get on a plane early in the morning, and when he came back, he barely slept either since he had to deal with my mess. This was probably the first time he’d gotten to relax in days, and I was upset with myself for not noticing earlier.
But he never spoke about his discomfort. Whenever we talked, he always spoke about his men’s happiness and how they were doing. But who looked out for his happiness? Who made sure he had everything he needed?
I remembered the look in his eyes when I’d sucked him into my mouth, how he kept trying to turn the focus back to me. He wasn’t used to being taken care of. But I wanted to take care of him too. I wanted to make him feel good.
I brushed my hand over his hair, and his eyes opened up immediately, nearly startling me. Their gray depths snagged me once, and his gaze seemed awake and aware even though I could have sworn he was asleep mere seconds ago.
“Sorry,” I murmured, my voice sounding hoarse. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
He sat up in bed, rubbing his face. “How long was I asleep for?”
“Not long enough,” I said. “You look exhausted.”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he ran his eyes down my body. I hadn’t bothered to adjust my clothes, and he could still see my thighs and the evidence of his lust on there. I saw the desire flare in his eyes again, but he instantly looked away.
“How are you feeling?” His voice was a rumble of sound that was awakening the desire in the pit of my stomach once again. I wanted to relish in it as my heart beat in tandem, screaming,I love you, l love you, I love you.
But saying it would freak him out. He’d probably run out of here as fast as possible, and my heart couldn’t take that right now.
At least now I knew why I had never enjoyed sex before now. I didn’t care about those guys, and they didn’t care about me. And on some level, I needed the emotional connection for me to truly let myself go and enjoy the experience. And I needed to trust the person I was letting go with. Needed to know that whatever happened, they would take care of me. And that was how I felt with Ezra. I felt cared for and completely protected.
“I don’t think I’m keeping the baby,” I announced in a quiet tone that triggered an unexpected reaction from within. It was like a piercing pain deep inside, and I didn’t even understand why. It wasn’t like I’d ever seriously considered motherhood or done much else but live life day to day. I’d never dreamed of marriage or kids or stuff that other women dream of. I’d never let myself dream, period.
But I knew that, amongst other things, I couldn’t be a good mother. Not right now. Bringing a child into this world would be very irresponsible of me. And even if Ezra said he would take care of me financially, I didn’t want to become reliant on a man for anything again. I didn’t want to become my mother and subject my kid to that.
Because I knew the only reason my mom stayed so long was that she didn’t have the money to start over somewhere new. It was probably also why she took off by herself rather than bring me with her. To this day, I don’t know how she bought this house, but putting it in my name was the only way I had somewhere to live. d
But beyond that, my life was still very much a mess. And I couldn’t subject a child to that. I refused to.
And I couldn’t let Ezra give up more than he already had, either.
If I asked him to, he would marry me out of duty, but I couldn’t let him do that and get stuck here with a girl he barely knew just because she was dumb enough to get pregnant by him.
Ezra’s expression didn’t change significantly when I made the announcement. He didn’t say anything for a long time, and then he finally nodded, shifting to the end of the bed.
