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“Yeah, about as much as lightning striking me dead.”
That got a chuckle out of me before silence descended once again.
“So, what happened?” she asked again, but before I could get a word out, she amended, “If you want to tell me, of course. No pressure.”
My first instinct was to deny her, to say no. But then I thought about the fact that she had a right to know who she was messing with, all the fucking shit I’d done. It was a bitter pill in my mouth, but as gut-wrenching as it was, I needed to find a way to push her away, to drive a wedge between this thing that was going on between us.
“I went to about five foster homes before I was sixteen,” I started telling her. “They were all pretty much average, with some homes being better than others. But inevitably, I got kicked out of all of them for fighting. Back then, I was pretty skinny for my age, and I looked like a great target. Some bastard would see me and try to pull some bullshit, but I was tougher than I looked, and I always fought back. After which, I would get kicked out.”
“That’s not fair,” she interrupted like I knew she would. “They picked on you, sotheyshould have gotten kicked out.”
I smiled wryly. “Yes, but somehow, whenever we fought, they always ended up more hurt than me. I guess that was when I knew I was pretty good at fighting. Because no matter how big they were, I always came out better off in the end. At the last foster care that I went to before I turned sixteen, there was a little kid there. Toby.” Even saying his name caused pain to arch through me, but I pushed through. “The kid followed me around everywhere. By that time, I’d filled out and grown into a scary-looking motherfucker. I’d already gotten my first tattoo, and the other kids were scared, but he didn’t care. He looked up to me.”
“Like Casey?”
The similarity was not lost on me, and I knew she would catch on too. “Like Casey,” I echoed.
She was quiet for a few minutes as though she could sense I was on the cusp of telling her something. Then, she ventured carefully and said, “The picture on your kitchen table…I mean, I saw it the first time we came….”
“Yeah.” I forgot I had left it there. “That’s Toby.”
She was quiet again before probing further, “What happened?”
“He died.” The words swelled in me, all bitter, but somehow, the pain wasn’t as sharp. Maybe it was her presence and the soothing way she was running her hands over my chest. “After I left foster care, I started fighting in underground matches to make money. Toby was the one who gave me the idea, actually. He thought I would be pretty good at it. And he was right. I fought and earned a lot of cash. I started making my name as an unbeatable fighter, and it jacked up my prices even more.”
Charlotte started moving her hand counterclockwise on my chest as I continued, “I did this for years. Toby tracked me down when he was about thirteen. He wanted to get out of foster care too. I didn’t have enough money to adopt him, so he was going to run away. He’d started stealing and pickpocketing to make money. And then that graduated to scamming. He was pretty smart. I should have stopped him. I—” My voice choked in my throat, and I swallowed hard, my throat becoming like a vice. “Fuck.”
She didn’t say anything, just kept humming and running her hands over my chest. I could have stopped there, but for some reason, I had to say it all. I had to show her my darkest side.
“One day, I guess he scammed the wrong people. Messed with them. And they killed him. I was supposed to be with him that day, to meet him at the junkyard, but I had a fight that got delayed. He called me. Before he died, he called me, and I wasn’t there.”
“It’s not your fault.” I could hear the tears in her voice, and when she looked up at me, I could see them gleaming in her eyes. “It’s not your fault.”
Except it was. I just knew it was.
But I didn’t want to dwell on it anymore. I kissed her, desperate to soothe the ache within me with the sweetness of her mouth. Desire rushed through me once more, but this time I took it slowly. I brushed her panties aside again before rolling on top of her. I felt her close around my dick and savored the sweetness of her essence and the feeling of her surrounding me. Then, I threw my head back and stared into her eyes when I reached the precipice after a few deep thrusts.
With a deep moan, I kissed her as I toppled over and exploded into a million pieces.
19
CHARLOTTE
I let the door click quietly behind me as I successfully begin my walk of shame.
Thankfully, Zane was still asleep when I left because I didn’t think I could face him this morning. It wasn’t necessarily the fact that I’d had sex with him again that made me embarrassed. It was more so the aftermath of everything that happened after. I couldn’t even make much sense of it.
Like why I went back into his arms even though I should have been packing up to go home and why I laid there for hours after, listening to him breathe and hearing him talk and give me details of his heartbreaking past. The gentle sex afterward was even harder to understand than the raw, animalistic lust.
It was filled with emotions, and I’d wanted to cry even as he drove me to the peak once again. Stupid words were echoing in my head, words that could have exploded the silence entirely. Words that couldn’t possibly be true. Nevertheless, they remained in my mind as we both succumbed to sleep.
My body was so spent that I didn’t even know how I was able to get up this morning. But I’d always been an early riser anyway, so I dragged myself out of sleep and quietly got dressed, trying not to think about it again. I took care not to wake Zane up, not wanting to see him switch back to Mr. Hyde in the morning. Feeling the way I did, I think something like that would chip at my heart.
When I was done getting dressed, I heard him murmur and saw how his eyebrows wrinkled slightly as though he was having a nightmare in his sleep. I couldn’t resist going over to brush my hand over it. The wrinkle instantly cleared when I did, his expression relaxing once more.
My chest pumped once with warning and twice in a command.Pull back. It was an order brought on by common sense.You’re getting too emotionally attached, thinking of him like that. It was just sex. Pull back now.
And for once, I listened, grabbing my bag and practically crawling out of there. Now, as I stood at his front door, feeling the morning breeze against my face, I thought about everything he’d told me.
