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He froze, and his entire body tensed up. His jaw clenched, his throat moving like he swallowed something bitter. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I echoed. “But there’s something even weirder. I recognize the number that texted you.”
“You do?” he gasped, sounding surprised and somewhat confused.
“Yeah.” I scanned his face to see if there was anything there to give me a clue about what was going on. “It’s your number.”
24
ZANE
After I took a leak and washed my hands, I stared at myself in the mirror for a few minutes.
I needed the time to organize my thoughts and sort through my turmoil of emotions.
Loss. Grief. Panic. Acceptance.
Today was a weird amalgamation of events that barely seemed real. I found out why Toby was dead. Killed by the Bruners, all over a million fucking dollars—something I had in spades right now.
Fuck.
I didn’t know what I would do with the information about Toby’s killers. A part of me wanted to destroy them, wanted to dedicate my entire life to avenging my friend.
But that was before I found out the news that Charlotte was pregnant and I was going to be a father.
I wouldn’t lie. The news was surprising, and the very thought of it made me panic more than a little bit because, as I’d said, I didn’t know the first fucking thing about being a father. Because what the fuck did I know about being a father? Did I even know how to love and care for people? Just look at what happened to Toby.
Those questions echoed around in my mind earlier as she spoke.
But even amid the panic was another emotion blossoming and growing like a little flower of promise in the middle of the madness. And maybe I was a crazy bastard, but even with the panic, I wasn’t upset about the pregnancy. I was terrified off my ass; I could admit that. I was also surprised and disoriented and had a million other emotions swirling around, but I wasn’t upset.
In fact, the little flower inside me felt like it was blossoming into something resembling excitement.
Because fuck it, I was going to have a child.
With a woman who was one of the most beautiful and kind and sweetest people I’d ever met.
Shit, I couldn’t be upset. She should have been upset at getting knocked up by a bastard like me. She was far too good for me, far better than anything I could offer.
At the same time, she was the only thing I could hold onto in this fucking dark world, the only thing that gave me a little bit of happiness. And I was too selfish not to take advantage of that and hold onto her as long as I could.
Toby was dead. No amount of vengeance I doled out could bring him back. But maybe this could be a new beginning for me. To make something I could be proud of and to not let my legacy just be death and darkness and filth.
I wanted to leave something beautiful too. I never used to let myself dream about having a family, as I was sure that wasn’t in the cards for me. But secretly, I craved it. It was why I never fought the marriage with Kelly. I wanted to be the best father I could be to my children and the best man I could be for her. And with Charlotte…it was even more than that. She deserved a man who could take care of her and her child.
And that was who I was going to fucking be.
If I attacked the Bruners, they would retaliate. They would come after my little family. And I couldn’t have that happening, so I had to let it be, as much as it ripped at me to do that.
I’m sorry, little buddy. I’m so fucking sorry.
I washed my face before I stepped out of the bathroom. Charlotte was still on the couch where I had left her, but she was frowning at a phone. My phone.
“What is it?” I asked.
She glanced up at me. “You got a text. It’s a picture of Toby.”
Hearing his name set a riot inside me. I had to swallow and clench my fists as despair rushed through me again, but I tempered it, refusing to give in. “Yeah?”
