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God, I hated that. I stared up at the ceiling, blinking back the tears that were threatening to overflow. “I hate being the strong one,” I told him. I hated that I had to watch my sister die, and now I may be watching my dad die too. I hated knowing my family would fall apart, and it would be up to me to put them back together.
“I know, honey. And as your father, you’ll have to forgive me. I know I haven’t been the best father to you.”
“You have, Dad. You have.” My parents had me later in life, after my father’s retirement, but my dad had tried his best not to let me feel the loss. He’d been there at all my peewee games, supported me, and danced ballet with me for the third-grade talent show. He was the oldest dad at the last daddy-daughter prom, and he could barely walk by then, but he still dragged himself to the dance floor anyway and twirled me around. Even though we didn’t have much, he tried his best to get me everything I needed, coming out of retirement and working himself to death to start a college fund for me that had ultimately gone to cover his medical expenses.
I leaned down and kissed his forehead. “You were the best dad I could ever ask for.”
“Oh, honey.” His voice was shaky. Now it was his turn to fight the tears. “You’re going to make me bawl.”
“Well, that makes two of us,” I said with a watery laugh.
“I love you, honey. So much. There’s nothing you can do that will make me not love you. I know with everything, and with Kelly, it was sometimes hard to give you the attention you deserve.”
“No, Dad—”
“But I do love you.” He cut me off, a sheen in his eyes as he clutched my hand tightly. “Always remember that.”
I nodded, swallowing past the tightness in my chest. I didn’t want to cry. I’d already cried enough the past few days.
“I know what I’m going to ask you to do is unfair,” my father continued. “But if anything happens to me, I want you to take care of your mom and Casey.”
“That goes without saying,” I responded.
“I’m not done,” he said. “I want you to take care of your mom and Casey. And most importantly, yourself. Don’t let them rule your life.”
I cocked my head, confused at his words. “Huh?”
“You heard me. Don’t let them rule your life. Particularly with your mother,” he said with a wry smile. “We both know how bossy she can be. She does it because she cares, but still. Remember that it’s your life, and it’s important for you to be happy. And ifthat boyis where you find your happiness, then I will bless the union.”
“Oh, Daddy,” I said, feeling a tear escape. I knew from how he saidthatboy that Dad still didn’t like Zane, but clearly, he was willing to overcome his hatred for Zane for my sake. “Zane is really not who we think he is.”
“I know,” he said, and his face twisted. “Your mother already told me about everything. And I now know he didn’t kill her, but it’s hard to differentiate what I know here….” He touched his head. “And here…” He moved his hand weakly to his chest.
I nodded. I understood it would take time for both of them to fully understand it, and I wasn’t going to force it.
“But be careful regardless. If I do survive this, I would like to get to know the boy a little more so I can know for sure he’s good for you.”
“I’ll be careful, Daddy,” I said, kissing him on the cheek.
Just then, there was a clipped knock on the divider right before it was pushed open.
“Sorry to interrupt,” a nurse said as she walked in and flashed me a brief smile. “But visiting hours are over, and the patient needs to rest. He has a big day tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling the tightness expand as I leaned down to give him one final kiss.
I went back out to the waiting room to see my mother standing there with her arms wrapped around herself. I hugged her, and we cried together for a few moments, taking and giving strength to each other.
Zane came later, and I could see from the cut on his face that he’d been sparring with Meech. They’d been having their spars for the past few days in preparation for the match on Saturday, and that was the other thing that was giving me anxiety. Because truthfully, I knew Zane was supposed to be good and everything, but I couldn’t get rid of the feeling of discomfort that he was going to fight some crazy bastard who could possibly hurt him.
“Don’t worry,” he’d said easily last night when I voiced my concerns. “I’ll hurt him a lot more than he’s going to hurt me.”
“I don’t want him to hurt you at all,” I’d said, but he merely smiled and kissed me.
With my mom spending most of her time at the hospital, Casey has been spending more time with us too. And his relationship with Zane has certainly been something to see. It was like a new shoot out of the soil, tentative but soft and easy.
Apart from just training, the two of them had started doing things together. Like cooking, going on walks, and talking. I overheard them talking about everything that was happening with my dad, Zane comforting Casey the way only he could do.
I guess, a lot of the time, Casey turned to Zane for strength rather than me. Although I missed being my nephew’s rock, at the same time, it was relieving. I could grieve on my own without worrying about smiling for him.
