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“Yeah, me neither,” Susan says. “Honestly, I don’t know how she’s going to show her face around this week. I mean,everyoneknows.”
Thank you, Susan, for pointing that out. As if I wasn’t worrying enough already. Susy is one of the most good-hearted people in our group, and if this is what she thinks of me… Anxiety twists in my stomach, and I fight hard to choke down a sob in my throat. They can’t find out I’m in here, hiding and eavesdropping on everything they say.
“Serves her right,” Daria snaps. “Let’s go.”
Wheels roll on the floor, and the washroom door is pulled open.
“Speaking of Lana’s new relationship,” Susan says, her voice moving away. “I have it on good authority Christian Slade will come to the ceremony. He should arrive by Thursday or Fri—”
The door slams shut, and Susan’s voice gets cut off.
After they’ve left, I wait another ten minutes before coming out of the stall, in case they forgot something and bounced back in. When I exit, I’m half-stumbling and need to steady myself by bracing my arms on the marble sink. Their words hit me worse than if they’d taken turns punching me. They despise me. And I deserve every ounce of their hatred. Everything they said is true. I did wrong by Lana, and no apology can make up for it. No matter what I do or don’t do, I can’t change the past. I can only try to be a better person in the future.
I take a hard, long stare at myself in the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot, but I managed to keep the tears in. Still, my skin looks pasty, except for the bluish bags under my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I run my fingers through my hair and let the silence wash over me like a bath of healing water.
It doesn’t work though; the pain lingers like an open wound that will never heal, reminding me of what a terrible person I am. In the back of my mind, I know that, despite everything that happened with Lana, despite her forgiving me, forgiving myself will be the hardest thing yet to do.
But for now, all I can do is try to keep my head up and face what lies ahead—the upcoming ceremony and the brave face I must put on for my sister’s sake. If only people knew how much courage it took to just get out of this restroom…
But fear is useless. Fear of being alone is what landed me in this situation in the first place. How ironic that because of that fear, I ended up being lonelier than I’ve ever been in my life. Because for the first time, I messed up so badly that even my twin sister—who’s always been like an extension of me—couldn’t bear to look at me for months and took forever to forgive me.
I know I should be brave and just ignore the snark, but at this moment, I’d give anything to be anyone but myself, to not feel trapped in my own skin, in my past mistakes. Heck, to be honest, I’d settle just for a good night of sleep without being tormented by my own guilty conscience. By the friendships I ruined. By the trust I broke. By the lies I told.
I splash some water on my face and take a deep breath. I just need a way to forget and move on. To ignore the dirty looks and harsh critics. Believe me, people, no one judges my past actions harder than I do.
I look into my red-rimmed eyes again. One week. Six nights. All I need is to find a way to pull through. Then I can go back to my lonely life in LA, bury myself in work, and forget I used to be a happy person once.
That’s when Archie’s words echo in my head.
“I can make you forget your name if that’s what you need to get through the week.”
I shake my head and splash more water on my face, trying to clear my mind.
Sleeping with the best man would be another bad decision withhuge mistakewritten all over his sexy, crinkly eyes.
Still, part of me is tempted to take him up on his offer. To forget everything and just be in the moment with him. But another part of me knows that a fling with Archibald Hill would just be a temporary fix. I can’t keep running from my problems forever.
Well, not forever, I reason.
I only need to make it through the week, I remind myself. Yes, he’d be only a Band-Aid on a deep wound that needs stitches, but he’d get me through the week at least.
“I don’t know how she’s going to show her face around this week. I mean,everyoneknows.”
Yeah, no. I can’t make it through the week alone. Am I being self-destructive again? Maybe, but I need the distraction.
Steeling my nerves, I take one final deep breath and then make up my mind.Alright, Archie, let’s see what you got.
I grab my bag and storm out of the bathroom, heading straight for the bar.
Archie is no longer at the counter, of course, but I need a little extra liquid courage before taking him up on his offer.
Not bothering to sit again, I wave at the bartender to attract his attention.
He comes my way at once. “You wanted something else?”
“A shot, please.”
The bartender eyes me slightly too long before asking, “Any preferences?”
