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19
SUMMER
Tomorrow’s lunch will be held on the beautiful lawn behind the estate, but tonight it’s too cold to dine outside, so the rehearsal dinner has been moved indoors.
Standing signs engraved withSpencer & Knowles Rehearsal Dinnerpoint to a spacious room I haven’t seen yet. This must be the space the resort uses for indoor receptions when it rains or is too cold. The salon is next to the breakfast hall and mirrors it, two halves of the same pie. A nice choice for indoor events. The faraway glass wall provides a beautiful view of the lit vineyards even at night, and the outside patio is decorated with strung fairy lights, adding even more romance to the atmosphere. The only thing I wouldn’t necessarily like for a wedding is the carpeted floor. Its intricate leaves and flower pattern are not bad per se, but they’re a strong reminder we’re in a hotel and not a magical place lost in a fable world somewhere.
I’m so absorbed in my observations, I don’t notice Archie coming my way until he’s standing right in front of me.
“Can we talk?” he asks.
I’m not ready for the ambush, and I’m tempted to flee again but can’t see a way out. Instead, I use attack as the best defense.
“There’s nothing left to say.”
His eyes widen. “Are you mad at me?”
“Yes, I’m mad at you and I’m mad at myself. I don’t want to talk to you, especially not where everybody can hear.”
Archie purses his lips. “Let’s move somewhere else, then, but we’re going to talknow.”
I oblige him, mostly because other guests are streaming into the room and I want to avoid making a scene.
He pushes the patio doors open and I follow him outside. Luckily, the rehearsal dinner is due to start in less than ten minutes. As excruciating as this heart-to-heart will turn out, at least it’ll be short.
We walk away from the French windows so the people inside won’t be able to spot us, and, as soon as we turn the corner, Archie crowds my personal space. “Explain to me how, in this scenario,youget to be mad at me.”
“You didn’t text me back,” I reply, irrationally mad.
“I didn’t text—” He scoffs, and shakes his head. “You left me in a restaurant mid-meal, making me look like a complete ass.”
Is that what he cares about?
“Sorry if I embarrassed you. Don’t go back to that restaurant and you’ll be fine.”
“I don’t give a damn about the restaurant people. You walked out on me,” he accuses.
True, I did, but… I say the next part aloud. “Sorry, but I couldn’t sit there and listen to you tell me how this is never going to work. How we’re never going to happen. I just couldn’t.”
“Yeah? And what would a text have solved?”
“Nothing, you’re right. This situation is unsolvable. But don’t worry, come Sunday, you’ll be free to go back to banging an endless stream of women. Hell, you can start tonight for all I care.”
I make to walk away, but Archie gently grabs me by the elbow. “Don’t walk away again.” The phrase comes out as half a plea and half an order.
I yank my arm free. “Why? You’ve made it clear where you stand.”
“Really? Because I’ve no idea myself. Why don’t you explain it to me?”
I turn back to him, the irrational rage of a few seconds ago gone. It’s sheer pain that makes my breath shallow as I speak next. “If this thing between us were to move past Sunday, I want commitment, a future. Marriage, family, kids. And you can’t give me any of those things right now. And I’d be okay waiting if all it took was time, but I’m not sure you’ll ever want the same things I do. So what’s the point?” The question comes out in half a sob. “We’re like a square peg and a round hole. No matter how hard we try, we’ll never fit together.”
Archie stares at me, at a loss for words. I want him to deny it. To say I’m wrong. That we can be together. But his mouth stays inexorably shut while his eyes search mine in a panic. Whether it’s fear of losing me or of being tied down to me forever, I can’t say. And I’ve had to deal with too many shitty situations in my life to follow another unicorn. I can’t force him to want something he doesn’t.
So, I walk away.
This time, he lets me.
* * *
