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“He tried to kill me.” Her tone slips into passionate rage. “You’re not sidelining me.”
I stare at her and a strange emotion swells in my stomach. It’s desire, but it’s something more. I reach out and kiss her forehead before running my fingers over the bruises, already dark and ugly. “I’m not going to put you at risk again.”
“Lanzo—”
“No, Renata. You’re not a part of this anymore.”
Her face falls. “You can’t do that.”
I stand, moving back. I keep thinking, she’s not safe, she’s not safe with me. “I’m sorry, but I already did.”
“What now? I’m just a prisoner here?”
“If that’s how you want to think about it.”
Her jaw tightens. “You can’t keep me locked away until you’re finished.”
“I can and I will.” I turn my back on her and walk into the other room, hating myself with each step.
Chapter27
Renata
Imove all my stuff into the guest bedroom and sulk.
My throat hurts when I swallow. It hurts when I talk. It hurts when I move. Basically, it hurts all the damn time.
I keep seeing the look on that top hat guy’s face. The rage, the fear, the sorrow. Like he hated himself for what he had to do, but he was willing to do it anyway.
Willing to murder me.
I hide in there for a day. I’m not proud of my reaction, but I can’t face the apartment or Lanzo right now. I keep thinking about how close I got to dying, but even worse, I keep getting angry all over again thinking that Lanzo might not let me get involved anymore.
That stings the most. We’ve come this far—and for him to shove me away is like a punch to the throat.
I only emerge when Lanzo’s gone to make myself meals and to shower. Half of me is pissed at him for cutting me out of the whole Burian thing, and the other half is dealing with the trauma of nearly getting murdered at a freaking carnival.
Mostly, I’m scared for him. And scared for all my friends.
“Everything’s fine here,” Grandpop says when I call to check in on him. “Now that the nurse is coming full-time, I’m taken care of. You don’t got to worry about me, Renny.”
“I always worry about you.”
But he insists that everything’s okay. I make the rounds, calling Amy, Fran, and Penny. They’re all totally fine.
“I did notice this guy’s been hanging around my apartment,” Amy says that night, sounding pretty relaxed about the whole thing. “Big dude. Looks like the sort that carries a gun around for fun.”
I chew on my lip. Probably one of Carmine’s soldiers. Lanzo said they’d watch over anyone Burian might target. “Attractive?”
“If you like a face that looks like it was the victim of a meat tenderizer is hot, then sure, why not.”
I laugh, feeling off-kilter. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Hey, how’s that new boyfriend of yours? I know it isn’t my business, but things seemed… complicated with you two.” She clears her throat. That’s her nice way of asking if Lanzo’s been abusing me or something.
“Everything’s fine with him,” I say, trying to sound convincing. But Amy knows me too well.
“Is that a realfine, or are you trying to make me stop worrying?”
