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Chapter32
Lanzo
“Ishould’ve told her sooner.” I sit with Carmine in a public park. We’re on a bench watching people walk past. He doesn’t speak right away, only leans back and stretches his legs. He’s in a suit, impeccably tailored.
“You probably should have,” he agrees. “How upset was she?”
“Upset.” I remember the look on her face when she said the safe word.Albatross. An apt word now. “She felt betrayed.”
Carmine sighs and rubs his forehead. “Frankly, I wish you would’ve told me, too. I had no idea.”
“I didn’t think it mattered. You know everything I know about the man. He was a voice on a phone to me. He was a string of orders and commands, nothing more. We had no relationship.”
“Still, the Russian government, Lanzo? Really?”
I bristle at that. “They paid well and on time. Are they really so much worse than anyone else?”
“Yes,” he says simply.
I deflate and stare at the trees, bending slightly in the breeze. The heat’s borderline oppressive, and I’m surprised at how many people are out braving it. A bunch of fools like us. “Maybe you’re right, but at the time, they weren’t asking me to do anything unusual. Espionage, some wet work, nothing the NATO countries weren’t requesting.”
“Only difference being, you were taking orders from a notorious killer.”
“Like I said, they paid well.”
“Your moral ambiguity is adorable sometimes, but right now it’s just annoying.”
I grunt at him. “I’m not happy about this situation, all right? I didn’t understand what Burian was back then. I get it now, and I’m trying to make up for ever having anything to do with that monster.”
“Did you tell Renata that?”
I dip my chin. “She thinks I’m using her for my personal vendetta.”
“Is she wrong?”
“Yes,” I say shortly.
“Lanzo, come on. You’re doing this to get revenge, or to right past wrongs, or whatever you think. How is that really so different from revenge?”
“I don’t know,” I admit, frustrated. Even Carmine thinks this whole thing is petty, but it’s bigger than my own personal feelings. Burian’s been killing all over Europe and the United States for a long time now, and even though revenge plays into my motivations, it’s about stopping a man that feels unstoppable. It’s about killing a monster.
Even though I was a monster too.
Carmine pats my shoulder. “If it helps at all, I don’t think revenge is necessarily a bad thing, especially if it’s revenge against a guy like Burian. Renata just doesn’t like that you sprung this on her without warning. Can you blame her?”
“No,” I say with a sigh as I crack my knuckles. “But it definitely puts me in a bad position.”
“You still need her help,” Carmine says, nodding.
“And I still want her.” I glance at my friend, frowning. “We’ve developed a relationship.”
He barks a laugh. “No kidding. We noticed.”
“I’m not sure what to do about it now. She won’t talk to me.”
“She’ll come around.” He pauses, eyeing me carefully. “You’re serious about this?”
“I am,” I confirm.
