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Through a sigh, I tell Danny, “I have no plans to go home. I mean, maybe, like, in five years or something.” Still, there I go, holding that door open in the back of my mind, unwilling to slam it completely shut in righteous anger. “But, even with all this shit going on, I’m still happier here than I ever was back there.” Talking about this makes me feel weirdly hot and itchy all over. With some desperation, I nod down at Danny’s letter, which now comprises most of the paper. “So are you going to send it?”
He purses his lips and says nothing. His gaze is caught on the unbroken silver varnish of the window, as though seeing something that isn’t there. Eventually, he murmurs, “It’s something I always wanted to write. But I’m not sure posting it will fix anything.” He replaces the lid on his pen and folds the letter in half. Slipping it into his inner blazer pocket, he notes, “Think I’ll keep it around, just in case.”
I kiss Danny’s cheek and lay my head on his shoulder again, trying to grab peace among the deep rumble of the tires beneath us. Even as the cold sun brightens in mid-afternoon, the condensation along the windows is so thick and slick that the outside world is a blurry inconsequential green. We must spend over five hours trapped on the bus, and all of my limbs are aching and numb.
But finally, finally, the bus stops. It pulls into a car park and the juddering engine cuts. My stomach eases.
I step off the bus. Rory and Finlay are already outside, gazing at the surroundings. The light hits me in a sudden, rushing way so that I can’t make much sense of where we are, but all I know is one thing: we’re on the opposite side of the country from Lochkelvin. We’re on the East Coast, and we’re so much closer to Luke that I can almost feel his presence in my heart.
* * *
We’re placed into dorms in some kind of hostel. All girls share one room and all boys share another. I hold back my groan as I’m ushered into a small plain room, bare if not for the two small bunk beds by each wall. Li and Arabella are already unpacking, and although Arabella is purposefully ignoring me, Li manages to shoot me a dark glare over her gilt Armani trolley.
“You sleep there,” she snaps, pointing to the bunk on the wall furthest from them. It’s fine. I have no desire to exist anywhere within their orbit. If I can exist as separate from Li and Arabella as possible, then we may all manage to get through this weekend alive.
I dump my rucksack on the bed, pulling out all the clothes we’d been told were required. A change of uniform, something smart for the evening… But still, despite my promise to myself, the majority of my bag is study notes and books, like mascots I need to keep close to better enhance the exchange of knowledge. I’m sorting my clothes into neat piles, casting a glance over to Li and Arabella. Really, all I want is to see if Arabella does indeed have a copy of The Daily Toot on her, but to my frustration, she just keeps pulling out endless balls of socks.
“What are you staring at, freak?” Li growls, eyes narrowing distrustfully on me.
“Your stupid face.”
“Um, excuse me? You wanna say that to me again?”
“Shove off, you moron.”
But it strikes me like a bat to the face thatI’mthe moron. We aren’t in Lochkelvin anymore, nestled away from civilization. We’reincivilization, and that changes everything. I don’t need to hang about, waiting to stumble across The Daily Toot by chance. I can just — and this realization is a pathetic thrill to me — actually go out into town andbuymyself a copy.
It’s only then that I realize Li is marching over to me.
“Look,” I say gently. My heart rate isn’t even accelerating the way it usually does around her. I have no time for her nonsense these days, and that’s incredible because Li really used to scare me. “You don’t talk to me and I won’t talk to you. Agreed?”
“You think you call the shots around here, Weirdo?”
True to my word, I don’t say anything to Li. I ignore her outright, rifling through my bag. Eventually, she growls low in her throat and stomps across to her bunk, deflated.
Baxter herself arrives not a minute later, hurrying us to gather outside with the rest of our year group. Li barges into my shoulder as she passes but Arabella hangs behind, as if waiting for me to leave before she does.
“What are you waiting for?” I ask Arabella, who slides her small case under the bunk bed.
“What areyouwaiting for? Everyone’s outside.”
“Do you have any… reading material?”
She gives me a blank look, standing from her crouched position. “I have lots, Jessa. I’m a highly competent academic student with more notes than I can capably study.”
For perhaps the first time in my life, I feel a sense of kinship with Arabella. Not that I’m quite on her lofty level when it comes to academic competency, but the notes? Yeah. I too am drowning.
“I mean from the outside. Newspapers. Supposedly fascist rags that rhyme with ‘The Faily Foot’, that kind of thing…?” Trying to act casual, I fasten my red ribbon into a bow around my ponytail, observing Arabella the whole time. Her brows angle deeply downward, pointing at the bridge of her usually stuck-up nose.
“I wouldn’t be caughtdeadwith The Staley Boot.” She sounds as scandalized as a bad actress, and I wonder how much of her horror is an act.
“It’s called The Daily Toot,” I point out with a roll of my eyes. “You know Antiro’s not listening in, right? They won’t excommunicate you if you say the actual title — it isn’t cursed.”
Arabella says nothing, her lips set in a firm line. But then superstition is the name of the game with this lot, and no doubt uttering the name of anyone against the regime, of besmirching innocent lips with those of traitors, is tantamount to being a traitor yourself. Arabella’s silence is intense.
“Fine, whatever.” She’s stubborn, I’ll give her that, and she isn’t disclosing whether she’s hiding a copy or not. I rummage around in my purse, hunting for coins. Hopefully, there’s a shop nearby where I can grab it instead.
We file outside, where we’re showered by the rain, and swiftly slop onto the coach. This time I’m sat beside Finlay, who shoots me a broad grin and curls his hand around mine, his smooth warm skin drying me off.
