Page 32 of Soup Sandwich

“Do you have questions? Things you want answers to or things you want to discuss or even just to talk about any of it?”

“No,” I say. “I don’t remember the night they died, but I remember how it felt, and I… I don’tneedto talk about it. You know?” I squint at her, hoping she understands and because she’s Amelia, she does.

“You were courageous tonight. I know you don’t see that in yourself, but some would take their own trauma and use that as an excuse to run and it would be warranted given how obviously triggering it is.” She stares into my eyes. “But you used your own experiences to help, and that takes a certain kind of heart and a certain kind of bravery. That said, I think for tonight, you’ve done all you can. Go inside and take a shower. Take some time for yourself. There are leftovers on the stove I can reheat for you and then we’ll dance off all the rest of this.”

I hug her again. Soundly. So fucking grateful for her.

I smile and climb out of the car, ready to do just that. Amelia and I go inside, and I quickly go upstairs so the girls don’t see my face. But when I get in my room, my phone pings with a text.

C: Thank you for making sure she wasn’t alone tonight.

My heart skips a beat and I sit on the edge of my bed, reading and rereading his words. I don’t know what to say in return. But he texted and I doubt that was easy for him. Nothing right now is easy for him. And the urge to comfort him is overwhelming. The urge to drive to his house and crawl into his bed and—

I shake myself away from that.

I heart his text without directly responding to it because words don’t feel appropriate and after tonight, I need a bit of space from it all. I plug my phone in on my nightstand and power it down. I go shower. And then I dance my ass off with my nieces until I’m so sweaty and exhausted I can’t think about anything other than bed and sleep.

Certainly not the man who seems to occupy more and more of my thoughts.

10

The only good thing right now is that I have people. People who are surrounding me. People who are here with me, helping me, taking care of things I can’t focus on. Aurelia and Fallon arranged the funeral. Everything from the flowers to the food to putting an obituary in the newspaper. Everything.

My parents flew in and as we stood over Declan and Willow’s graves, behind me—and beside me—were my friends, their hands and bodies touching me in a silent show of solidarity and love. Never have I been more grateful for them in my life than I am now.

My parents left a few days after. My mother couldn’t take it, and I don’t blame her for that. They took Katy to the zoo and the Children’s Museum and then got back on a plane to Florida.

Willow’s parents are a different story. They didn’t fly in for the funeral. They have zero money, but even with my offering to fly them in, they declined. I also hadn’t heard from them much during all of this until last night when they suddenly demanded that I immediately fly Katy out to visit them.

I refused.

Maybe I’m wrong in that, but Katy doesn’t know Willow’s parents very well. Any time Willow mentioned her parents it was never in a favorable way, and I know she didn’t have the happiest childhood with them growing up. So while I understand that they lost their daughter and I feel for them, I also wasn’t about to drop everything for them.

Hell, they wouldn’t even fly in for their only child’s funeral and now suddenly they want Katy—a six-year-old little girl who just lost her parents—to fly out to Michigan to be with people she hardly knows? No. Not gonna happen.

They fought with me, telling me I’m not her guardian, which is true. I’m not.

At least not yet.

I want to keep Katy with me as mine. I know it will change everything in my world, but I love her with all that I am, and I can’t imagine another way for this to go for her.

It wasn’t even a tough call for me to make.

I think it’s what my brother and Willow would want, but who knows for sure?

They didn’t have a will. They each had a life insurance policy that goes to Katy—or her guardian when she gets one to help care for her—but that’s it.

So here it is, Monday, everything is over, and Katy is back at camp because she asked to go. She hasn’t been talking much. When she woke up that night at my house, she asked about her parents, and I had to tell her that they were gone. Other than some screaming night terrors that she can’t tell me about or explain, she’s been lost in her head.

I have two appointments this week. One is today after class with my lawyer, the other is later this week with a prominent child psychologist who came very highly recommended to me by Fallon, who is a pediatrician.

Until then, I have to get through this stupid fucking class that is the absolute last thing on the planet I want to deal with. Life goes on. I have responsibilities I can’t shirk. The distraction will be good for me is the bullshit I keep feeding myself.

But the truth is… I want to seeher.

I haven’t seen Layla since that night in the trauma room, and I haven’t texted her again since. Drew forced me to take extra time off, so I don’t return to work until Thursday. I don’t even need to talk to her. I just want to see her face and that should scare me and raise all sorts of alarms and questions, but I don’t care right now.

I can be selfish just this once and it won’t matter because nothing will come of it.

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