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“I will.”
I nodded at her and left the shop feeling deflated. The whole ride home, I’d been worried about seeing her, and now she was gone. I didn’t get the chance to talk through my feelings with her, or even say hello to my own kid. Fuck, he wasn’t my kid.
I got in the truck and slammed the door, staring down at the shoebox. She thought enough to save the letters, but that was it? If I hadn’t taken the year deployment, things might have been different. Maybe she would have stayed. Now the question was, did I track her down to find out why she lied to me, or did I allow her the freedom she so clearly wanted?
2
DUKE
2 years ago…
“Hey, Duke!” Jenna yelled to me as I crossed the street. “I have time to get you in!”
I chuckled at Jenna’s cajoling. She was always telling me I needed a haircut. I always kept my hair short, so even when it grew out just a half an inch, she was on me. “Thanks! Maybe another time!”
She placed her hands on her hips and shot me a mocking frown. “You’re going to look like a girl!”
I shook my head at her jab, holding up my hand to wave her off. Stopping in at the diner, I grabbed my pickup order, nodding to the hostess as I took my food. I liked to walk around town instead of driving since I didn’t live that far from anything. The house at the end of the street sat nestled in some trees, giving me some privacy from my neighbors, but still allowed me to easily get anywhere in town.
It was the same house I lived in with Carolyn for just a short time.
Call me crazy, but I couldn’t let it go. It wasn’t that I was depressed over her leaving me, or that I was hoping she would change her mind and come back to me. It was the ghost left behind.
I walked up the steps to the older home and pulled out my keys. Stepping inside every time reminded me of the day I returned from war. The house was cleaner now. There were no takeout containers littering the living room, and the hole in the wall had been patched. But I left everything in the baby’s room just as it was.
I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of any of his things. Theo. She named him after her father, something I hadn’t been part of because I wasn’t around for much of the pregnancy. Still, even today, I wondered how he was. He would be four years old now, just about to go into kindergarten.
Even though I knew he wasn’t mine I couldn’t help but wonder about the kid. Did he like dinosaurs? Did he like tinker toys? Or maybe he was a kid that liked books. If he was here with me, I’d be teaching him about motors.
I took my food to the kitchen and plopped everything on a plate, then grabbed a beer as I headed to my living room. I was exhausted after working at the garage for such long hours. During the day, it was easy to forget about what my life would have been like if Carolyn hadn’t walked out on me. I’d be home with my kid, teaching him shit and playing games. Instead, I worked hard to forget and fucked women from the bar, as long as they didn’t expect anything out of me in return.
I was extra careful since Carolyn. I always made sure to wrap it up, and tied it off when we were finished, disposing of the condom myself so I didn’t run into any “accidental” pregnancies. Maybe I was being paranoid, but I couldn’t help myself.
I was just about to dig into my food when the doorbell rang. I set down my plate and headed to the front door. It was probably Jenna, coming to check on me after I ignored her about the haircut. She felt horrible that I’d been abandoned by her niece, and no matter how much I told her it wasn’t her fault, she was always trying to make up for it.
I swung the door open and grinned. “Bowie, what the fuck are you doing here?”
He held his arms wide. “I’m out!”
“What?” I laughed, pulling him in for a hug. I had seen Bowie on and off over the years, but had no clue he was thinking of getting out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wasn’t entirely sure I wouldn’t back out,” he laughed. I stepped back, letting him in. He grabbed his bag and tossed it inside. “So, tell me you have a room for me for a few weeks.”
“Did you lose the apartment?”
“Nah, I rented it out and I still have some time before they have to leave.”
“Yeah, I’ve got space.”
“No women moving in?”
I shot him a look. He knew better than to assume I was letting any more women into my life. “Are you hungry?”
“Nah, I grabbed something to eat on the way over.”
“Good, I was just about to eat. Now I don’t have to share my food.” I headed back to the living room to sit down. “There’s beer in the fridge,” I called over my shoulder.
He popped the top as he took a seat in the armchair, sighing as he stared up at the ceiling. “Fuck, I’m exhausted.”
