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“And I didn’t mean for you to get dragged into this,” Nix replied with a wave of his hand. "Grace was almost captured today because of my involvement with the Ringleaders. And it's a huge kick in the balls to see her coming to you for comfort. I want to be the hero for fucking once. I thought if I pushed her away, she’d be safe. I used to be so fucking strong. I was confident. Capable. Now I’m just...nothing."
“That’s not true—” Grace spoke.
“I am. The man you fell in love with is gone, Grace. Who the hell are you even fighting for?”
“You,” she promised. “Whatever version of you exists, I want. You don’t have to be strong for all of us.”
“I just want to feel like myself again,” Nix replied before turning fully to look out the window, ignoring us.
We all went silent, aside from Tate, who was humming some nineties boy band music.
How would we ever be normal again? How could we survive this faceless enemy if we couldn't get on the same page? A sense of determination bolstered me. I realized and accepted my role in our group all at once. Nix wasn't the wedge between Grace and me, it was my fear about a group relationship that was driving all of us apart. Once we were settled, I'd stop holding back. It was time to be the glue.
Chapter Seventeen
Nix
There was only one motel in the entire town, and I was pretty sure we were the only residents. We walked up to the building, covered in dirt. Grace was limping by the time we finally made it there, and if she weren't so damn stubborn, I would've held her over my shoulder and carried her for the entire mile-long walk.
Our room was covered in dust. I didn't want to think about the last time it had been cleaned. Stains on the carpet in a brownish red color made me sick to my stomach. I had stayed in worse places, but I felt bad that this was how we had to live. Grace deserved better. Alessandro deserved better. I wasn't quite sure what I deserved yet.
"Do you think she's okay?" Alessandro asked while nodding toward the bathroom door. Grace had been in the shower for the better part of a half hour. Alessandro and I had already cleaned up.
“Why don’t you go check on her?” I asked. “Isn’t that what you’re good at?”
Alessandro scowled at me, his beautiful face twisted up into something fierce yet beautiful. I knew he didn’t understand. Perhaps I was depressed. I had five pent-up years of pain and desperation to wean off of. I wasn’t used to not being alone.
“You’re still Nix,” he said. Alessandro was sitting on a chair, leaning forward to rest his arms on the tops of his knees. His chestnut hair was disheveled and wet from his shower. His gray eyes were piercing in the late afternoon. We kept the motel dark, the shades drawn. But he was a beacon of light despite it all.
“Am I though?” I asked. “No one stays the same. Some of us change for the better. Me, for the worse.”
“You think I’m better?” he asked. There was a vulnerability to his tone I couldn’t quite place.
“Five years ago you refused to care for anyone again. You were a jaded man who put yourself first,” I answered him with a shrug while leaning back on the mattress to stare at the ceiling. It was difficult to look him in the eye for this conversation. I knew that I was the reason for his carelessness. I knew that I broke his heart and that he felt the need to put a wall around it to protect the shattered pieces. “Now, you care about Grace. And not just because you feel like you should. You actually care about her. You love her. You’ve changed. Grown.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Alessandro replied. I heard movement from where he was sitting and shut my eyes. “I’ve changed in other ways, too,” he whispered. I felt his lips on the shell of my ear, and I shivered.
“How?” I croaked. I could still hear the shower running in the bathroom. Could hear my heart pounding in my chest.
“Take your clothes off, Nix,” Alessandro whispered while running his hand up my abs and chest. I kept my eyes closed. “Let me show you that it’s okay to let someone else be in charge. It’s okay to feel out of control.” My breath hitched. My stomach dropped. Surprisingly, I could feel emotion clog my eyes and throat. Was I seriously about to cry? Oh, how the mighty had fallen.
I didn’t move. Alessandro grabbed the waistband of my pants. I heard the water shut off in the bathroom. “Take off your clothes, Nix,” Alessandro ordered. I opened my eyes and gasped at the sight of him hovering over me, his gray eyes wild with determination as he bit his lip and clutched my jeans.
“Make me,” I gritted. It was taking every ounce of my dominance to push those defiant words out. I was nothing but an echo of the man I once was.
“With pleasure, my love,” Alessandro growled before ripping the jeans open and sending the brass button ricocheting across the motel room. I heard it bounce off the wall and land on the floor. I hadn’t heard him call me that since before we broke up, and the familiar nickname made something within me wake up—something that had been asleep for ages.
He eased the denim and my boxers down my thighs. I felt myself harden, longing and heat making me stiffen. This was familiar but still different. “Once upon a time,” Alessandro began before wrapping his hands around my cock. My entire body jerked. “You taught me how to love the person I was.”
He lowered his head. His hot breath traveled down my length, and I lifted up to stare at his hungry expression. Alessandro looked feral in that moment. It was a hunger I recognized and knew well. “Oh yeah?” I asked, challenging him.
He licked the length of me, slowly, delicately. My mouth parted, and I lifted my hips, silently urging him to wrap his lips around the head of my cock and suck the life out of me.
“Yeah. So I’m going to do the same for you, Phoenix Bailey. I’m going to remind you that who you are right now is perfect. I’m going to show you that it’s okay to let people love you. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to be weak. It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling right now. Fear.” Alessandro paused to lick me again. “Need.” He sucked lightly on the head of my cock and pulled away. I groaned. “Guilt.” He cupped my balls and massaged them lightly. “Desire,” he then whispered before taking all of me in his mouth.
Holy fuck he felt good. His wet tongue glided over my skin. He took all of me down his throat, pressing slightly with his lips. Alessandro gave head like a fucking professional. He pumped up and down while groaning in pleasure.
I grabbed a fistful of his hair and guided him faster. Harder. I wanted to forget every bit of the thoughts plaguing me and just feel him—feel this.
