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I rocked back and forth. Someone’s arm wrapped around me. “Everyone leaves,” I whispered. “Gavriel…” He was my brother. We might not have been close, but he was family. He found me. He’d saved me.
And now he was dead.
The Ringleaders send their highest regards…
“Shh,” Alessandro whispered in my ear. Adrenaline laced with grief shot like needles through my veins. It pricked me. It stabbed at my gut, my chest. Each inhale felt stunted, like the air was leaking out of my lungs. “We’re gonna figure this out,” Alessandro assured me.
I cried out, letting the pain crush me and break through a curdling scream filled with sorrow. My throat was raw. I didn’t believe it. I couldn't believe it. Another crash sounded. I couldn’t even look.
The Ringleaders send their highest regards…
Alessandro left me to help Nix. “Calm down,” he ordered.
“Calm down? I can’t fucking calm down!” I opened my eyes and turned to look at them both. Nix was punching holes in the wall. Alessandro was trying to hold him back. Boom. Boom. Was that the sound of fists or my heart breaking? “Sunshine is dead. She was my person!!” Nix roared. “She was my fucking soulmate!!”
The Ringleaders send their highest regards…
Alessandro let go of Nix and took a step back. I tugged at my hair, pulling the strands to keep me grounded. The stinging pain helped me stay present in the moment, even though my brain wanted to protect itself from the grief and trauma and just shut off for a little while. “She was pregnant.”
Nix punched the wall again. His fists created holes in the sheetrock, and spiders fled the punctures he made. “I know,” Alessandro croaked. He sounded helpless. “I know.”
“You don’t know. This is your fault!” Nix screamed. “Both of you. You should have never gone after me. You shouldn’t be here. If you wouldn’t have come here, the Ringleaders wouldn’t have done this. I hate you!” he screamed before looking at me. “I hate you both!”
I sobbed harder. My chest felt like it was cracked in two. What was left of my heart was suffocating in Nix’s clenched hand. “You don’t mean that,” I sobbed.
The Ringleaders send their highest regards…
“I fucking hate you. I hate that you came after me. I don’t want you. I don’t want either of you!” he yelled.
Alessandro held his hand to his chest. “Nix, I know you’re hurting.”
Nix scrubbed his hands down his face. “You know nothing of hurting. Hurting is being ordered to set up a hit on a family of four. Their youngest child was three, Alessandro. Hurting is knowing you have access to a cure for cancer, but not being able to do anything about it. Hurting is hiring a chemist to poison crops for an entire town and watching them starve to death. Hurting is losing your best friend—the person you love most in this fucking world!”
I fell over to my side and curled up in a ball as I cried. It was like the night my mother died. I clutched my knees and sobbed.Alone. Everyone leaves you.
The Ringleaders send their highest regards…
“I’m so sorry,” Alessandro croaked. Both of their voices were distant now. I wished I could make myself smaller. I wanted to disappear.
“You’re not sorry. You selfish bastard,” Nix growled. “You always wanted me to yourself, huh? Well, you might get your wish. The Ringleaders are going to kill everyone I care about. Are you still going to love me when Grace is dead? Are you still going to want me when it’s you six feet in the ground?”
The Ringleaders send their highest regards…
“Yes,” Alessandro whispered. “I don’t regret coming here. I’m so sorry Sunshine is dead, but don’t make me apologize for wanting to be with you.”
“D-dead,” Nix cried out. “Dead.”
I bit my fist. I squeezed my eyes shut. Dead.
The Bullets were dead.
The Ringleaders send their highest regards…
Chapter Nineteen
Nix
My feet dragged across the hard ground. Dust filled my lungs as I walked. And walked. I waited until Grace was passed out and Alessandro was using the restroom. I left the motel without looking back. They were better off without me anyway. I moved tentatively. I moved without a sense of direction or a plan. I moved to put as much distance as possible between me and the people I loved.
