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I didn’t want to hear this again. I loved Sunshine, but this conversation never went anywhere. Nix was always gone. We were always left missing him and wondering what happened. Chills traveled up my spine, and I tried not to let my nerves get the best of me. "Or maybe he's somewhere getting a blow job from a cabana boy. We'll never know."
"Blaise might have a lead," Sunshine insisted. Out of all of us, she clung to hope the most. Perhaps she was disillusioned by her own happy ending. Just because she reconnected with my brother after five years of pining doesn't mean I'll get the same.
"He always has a lead. They all do. The Bullets would do anything to make you happy. They know how much you miss Nix, so they like to give you hope."
"You obviously don't know your brother at all," she mused. "Gavriel Moretti doesn'tdofalse hope. None of them do. They don't tell me shit to placate me. If Blaise says he has a lead, he has a lead. I know he was going to talk to Alessandro about it."
I felt my skin grow hot. "Why wouldn't he talk to me?"
Sunshine gave me a look laced with annoyance. "Do you honestly think your brother will let you go chasing Nix down? Why do you think I invited you to lunch?"
I didn't understand. "So wait. You know where Nix is?"
"Yes. And Alessandro is going to drag him back kicking and screaming. But I don't think brute force is going to bring my best friend back. Gavriel kept going back and forth about letting you come and decided last night not to tell you. I decided that was a bunch of bullshit." Sunshine started digging through her purse and handed me a sealed envelope. "I stole this from your brother's office."
"You know he hates that," I replied while taking the envelope.
"I happen to love his punishments," Sunshine joked with a wink. "Those are the details. Alessandro is getting on a plane tonight. I want you to go with him."
"Why?" I wasn't complaining. I had every intention of doing whatever it took to get to Nix. Even if this didn't lead to being with Nix again, I needed closure. I couldn't move on until I saw him again. Or at least learned what happened. A little part of me was barely keeping still. I wanted to rip the paper from Sunshine’s hand, chase him down, and make him mine again. There was a lot of resentment built up in my soul over the years, but the longing was still the same. Even if he didn’t love me back, I wanted to try.
"Because I saw how much Nix loved you. That doesn't just go away because a few years passed. I want to give us the best possible chance of bringing Nix home, and I know the only way he will come back is if he sees you. I don't know how to explain it. I just know he's scared about something. I want to help him. And I would go, but..." Sunshine’s face was stone cold. She chewed on her lip while averting her eyes. I stared at her in confusion.
"But what?" I asked.
"Two reasons. And if you tell your brother before I have a chance to, I will slit your throat."
I swallowed. Sunshine had definitely been spending too much time with my mobster family. "Gavriel and I barely talk. I don’t plan on starting now." My strained relationship with my brother was an entirely different issue.
"For starters, I think I might be the reason he left." Sunshine's eyes filled with pain. "I don't know why, but I just have a feeling he's trying to protect me somehow."
"Well, send me to the lions’ den. Gee, thanks," I mumbled.
"That's not what I mean." Sunshine looked up at the ceiling, then back at me before continuing. "It's easy for Nix to be the hero when it comes to a friend. But when you love someone? You'll move heaven and earth to make it work."
My heart ached. My skin buzzed. I wanted to rip open the envelope and figure out where Nix was. "I'll go. You won't tell my brother, right? You know how intense he can be. He takes protectiveness to an obsessive level."
"Well, that brings me to the second reason I'm not going with you," Sunshine replied before taking a large gulp of her water. She swallowed and inhaled deeply before continuing. "I'm pregnant."
My eyebrows shot up in shock. Pregnant? Holy shit. "Congratulations?" I offered. Sunshine and I had spoken many times about having a family. She didn't want kids. She absolutely abhorred the thought of bringing someone into the world.
"Did you know IUDs can fall out? ’Cause I sure as fuck didn’t. I'm terrified. I’m still in school. Everything is perfect for me right now, and I’m terrified to fuck that up. In fact, I have to go to the enrollment office to get one of my classes figured out this afternoon. And how is it going to work? What am I going to do?" She rubbed her temples. "I need Nix here. He was supposed to be the cool uncle."
I could relate to her panic. I'd had my fair share of pregnancy scares back before I accidentally took a vow of celibacy. "You don't have to do this," I offered. "You know my brother and the rest of the Bullets will support and love you no matter what. And they'll love this baby, too."
"I want the baby," she choked out, but I didn't believe her. "I just am worried about the logistics. How do you even change a diaper? I don't want to breastfeed. Who is going to watch it while I’m studying? What about Gavriel’s enemies? I already have to have a security detail. Raising a Moretti heir is a death sentence. I don’t want that for my kid. What if I'm a bad mom? What if I don't know how to—"
"Sunshine," I interjected. "You are the most nurturing woman I know. You are smart. Fun. Capable. Loving. You have the love of four strong men, and I'm close by. Being an aunt will be lots of fun. I'm here for you. We are all here for you. And pretty soon, Nix will be here too. You're not going to have to do this alone."
"I know. I just...I didn't have the best examples of parents."
"Then you already know what not to do. That's half the battle, right?" I offered.
"You're right," she whispered while shaking her head. "Either way, I'll tell the guys tonight, so it'll give you a head start. They’ll want to smother me with reassurance and freak out with me. All you have to do is get past Alessandro."
I cringed.
"Easy enough," I lied.
