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I shrugged, thinking back to our fumbling romp in the janitor’s closet at school. In Chris’s defense, it was standing room only, but our brief, messy moment was not worth remembering. “His dick is nice, but he’s got no rhythm. It was like fucking someone possessed.”
Nicole snorted, her eyes wide in shock. “You’ve slept with him?” she wheezed while looking at me. I saw the curiosity in her eyes. Our friendship was still fairly new. She didn’t know just how reckless I was, but she’d soon realize that the rumors were true.
I’d developed quite a reputation over the years. Many called me a slut, and I guess they were right. I didn’t think it was anything to be ashamed of. Those who were crueler liked to pick apart my alienation, blaming every indiscretion on mydaddy issues. They just simplified deeper problems they knew nothing about. My body was a vessel for control. My heart was a rabid beast out to prove something. I cracked my soul wide open and watched as the world slipped on the oil that fell out.
“Yep,” I replied, searching the counters for more booze. I’d need more liquid forgetfulness if this conversation dug deeper into my impulsive proclivities.
“Well then, maybe we should find you a college guy, someone that knows how to use his dick. My cousin attends Denver University. He could probably get us into a party.”
I smiled at her determination but had zero desire to go. I had this odd contradiction warring within my soul. I hated being alone as much as I hated being around people. Parties weren’t really my thing. Crowds made me anxious. But I was doing the whole teenage thing, drinking cheap tequila and laughing at all the right times. I’d even worn my tightest clothes and a shirt that showed off my toned stomach. There was a checklist of high school experiences, and I was ticking all the boxes tonight.
“Oh shit. What’s he doing here?” Nicole asked, nodding toward the hallway. I turned my head and rolled my eyes at the sight before me. Joel, with his smirking face and punk rock style, was strolling our way. I wanted to skip the awkwardbreakupstage and go back to just hanging out without expectations. Was it really so hard to be friends after you’ve sucked someone’s dick?
“You look good, Roe,” he greeted over the loud music.
Joel hovered over me, and I could practically taste the smoke on his skin. Bouncing in his Converse sneakers, he looked down at me. He was lean and smelled like pot, his jet black hair curled at the ends, kissing the tips of his ears. He sunk his teeth into his bottom lip as those sweeping cobalt eyes looked me up and down.
“Well, you look like shit,” I replied with a wink. I tried not to lean too much into the flattery of knowing he still thought of me. I didn’t want to lead him on, but validation was a drug and I was an addict. I was a bunch of things, actually.
“You going to stop hiding from me?” he asked.
“Nope,” I replied quickly. I never went back for seconds. Once I was done, I wasmotherfucking done.“I’m sure you can find someone here willing to suck your cock.”
He braced his hand on the countertop beside me and leaned in, his minty breath feathering over me as I stared down at his chest. He was wearing a gamer T-shirt boasting one of his favorite characters. He used to get so excited when he explained his nerdy games to me. I liked that about him. There was a simplicity about Joel that I connected with. There wasn’t much to learn about him because he wasn’t particularly complex. We had chemistry. He was easy to please. But I didn’t love the guy. I was a serial dater.
“Look at me, Rowboat,” he said. That nickname made me quiver.
I let out a slow exhale and looked up at Joel, following his command out of boredom, not respect. Swarms of onlookers crowded closer, eyeing us with curiosity and pity. “We had fun, didn’t we?” he asked.
“We did,” I agreed. There was no denying that Joel was fun to pass the time with.
“What happened?” he asked, making me frown. How could I possibly explain to him that the idea of liking someone scared the shit out of me? I was drawn to validation like a moth to a flame. I thrived on lingering looks and flirty touches. I blossomed in blissful orgasms and heady moans. But I clung to surface level relationships because they were easy. Anything deeper was like opening a wound. I just wasn’t capable of doing anything that wasn’t...easy.
“I just wasn’t feeling it anymore,” I deadpanned while glancing over his shoulder at the growing crowd.
“I figured you needed space, but it’s been a week. I really fucking cared about you,” he said, as if he were annoyed with himself for having such trivial feelings about me. “We can work through this.”
Letting out a huff, I braced both palms against his chest and pushed him away. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid. “While you were giving me space, you fucked the entire senior class,” I argued, cocking my head to the side. He staggered back, his mouth dropped open in surprise. He had to have known this was coming. What did he expect? “I’m not interested. Go find someone else.”
Instead of reacting how I’d expected him to, he smiled. “You’re jealous.”
“I’m done with this conversation.”
His smile quickly fell, and his eyes turned cold. “So I guess it’s true what they say,” he replied, straightening his spine.
“Oh?” I feigned ignorance. “And what exactly do they say?”
“You’re a tease. The worst fucking tease. You lead people on and drop them like it’s nothing.”
His words stung, but they weren’t wrong.
“Last I checked, we fucked like rabbits,” I offered. I was no fucking tease. I didn’t lead guys on. If I wanted to fuck, I made my intentions known. I didn’t like fluttering around the topic of sex.
He looked down at me with a sneer. “Yeah, Roe. We fucked. I fucked you hard. I ate that pussy like it was my last meal and claimed your ass while you screamed my name.” His voice rang out through Nicole’s house, echoing off the walls and forcing a ripple of attention to land on me. Joel was making a scene. Some stared and snickered. A few girls blushed. “You might not be a tease with your body, but you sure as hell tease with your heart.”
With those parting words, he turned on his heels and left me standing in shock, feeling like the damaged goods he accused me of being.
“Fuck you, asshole!” Nicole screamed at his back like the devoted friend she wanted to be. “What a dick! I can’t believe you dated that guy.”
