AllFreeNovel
Share Us
MINA
“Ican’t believe you paid so much money for this gaijin whore.” Matsumoto’s lackey walks around me in a slow circle as though he’s in any position to judge me, his laughter ringing in my ears. I jump as the whip slices through the air behind me, making that sharp cracking sound.
And then I wake up.
My hand goes immediately to Brian’s collar around my throat. It steadies me and reminds me I’m safe.
It’s a short dream—like the one where you’re just drifting off and dream you tripped on something, and your body jerks. I always wake right at the point before the damage starts. I don’t know if it’s my mind protecting me from the event, but I always hear that whip moving through the air. I’m always bracing for that first horrible sting, but it never comes. Instead, I find myself in the room I share with Brian in the dungeons of the Pleasure House.
I’m still so grateful he got to me in time, before Matsumoto had me long enough to give me more permanent scars. And Brian knew just how to tend to my wounds so they’d heal with minimal physical reminders.
I don’t feel any lingering fear when I wake from these dreams. Mostly I feel anger. It’s a boiling rage I feel I can no longer contain, as if some sort of beast lives inside me and is hungry for someone’s blood that isn’t my own. I unconsciously reach for Brian, but I keep forgetting he isn’t here.
I glance over at the alarm clock. It’s almost noon. I can’t have breakfast unless I make it myself, but the cafeteria should be serving lunch by now, and definitely by the time I manage to drag myself out of bed and upstairs. It’s a process. I’ve been sleeping poorly the past few nights, and there aren’t exactly any windows down here to alert me to the arrival of the sun.
I have zero discipline without Brian. He’s off on a job, and I know it’s not for the house. It’s for his personal demons, no doubt. I don’t know if he’ll dispose of the body on site when he’s done or if he’ll bring it here to incinerate. It really depends on his mood. When he’s all covered in blood looking like an even more insane Dexter with trash bags filled with body parts, it does strike the terror he’s looking for in the residents of the house.
It causes everyone to give him a wide berth, which is pretty much what he prefers. Brian, like me, has trust issues.
I’m the only one who sees underneath the monster to the man who saved me, the man who has been hurt as I have been hurt. And something has flipped over in me as well. It’s like a trigger buried deep inside me. I tried to ignore it. I tried to brush it away and be the good girl, but underneath it all there was a darkness that began to take root, a slithering dark smoke swirling around my soul.
After Japan, everything cracked open, and all the dark smoke that had only been seeping through the small cracks within me were finally free. I’m no longer afraid of Brian. I’m afraid of myself, my own darkness. I have long vivid violent dreams now—not violence where I’m the victim, violence where I’m the perpetrator. Every time Brian goes on a job I want to go with him, but he says it’s too dangerous, he can’t risk me, but I have a growing need to do damage.
This feeling festers more and more, like an itch I can’t scratch, and I’m starting to resent him keeping the carnage to himself as though he’s hoarding necessary supplies for my survival—like he’s hoarding oxygen. Is he truly worried about my safety or does he want to protect that last shade of innocence that remains in me? It’s one thing to be a victim and have a traumatic past. It’s another thing to then become the thing of nightmares yourself, to inflict the trauma. To be the monster.
I look the other way when Brian punishes girls in the house and when he kills, whether it’s to enforce house rules and the secrecy this illicit business requires, or if it’s personal jobs, personal vendettas—personal trash he feels should be taken out. I’m not sure if he gets paid for these side job hits, or if it’s pro bono assassination, but… we both know either way he doesn’t need the money and money isn’t what drives him. It’s blood and begging. It’s him having the power and no longer being that scared abused little boy.
It’s like how he runs on the treadmill in the middle of the night… not for fitness, but running from his ghosts and the dark awful childhood only I and the house shrink know about, the scars on his back so like mine that only I have been trusted to see. It doesn’t make what he does most of the time okay, but I understand. And sometimes his kills are needed. To protect someone. To protect me.
Last year he threw me aside and I left, walking into what I thought was a free world, looking over my shoulder the whole time wondering where Brian was and if he’d just forgotten me, wondering if any part of his heart beat for me or could beat for me. During this time, I was stolen off the street by a man called Matsumoto. I was never clear on if that was his first name or his last name or if he had only one. I was taken to the other side of the world where he took out his sadism on me—all because Brian had kept me from him.
I thought I’d die there and that Brian either didn’t know or didn’t care. I wish I’d been conscious when he strode in like an avenging dark angel. I imagine him with two guns in his hands, taking out every soul that stood between him and me. And I’m ninety percent sure that’s at least close to how it went down.
When he leaves me behind to rescue, protect, enforce house rules, take out his rage, outrun his demons or fight back against them, I feel alone.
I’m not truly alone, of course. There’s an entire world upstairs teeming with life in what I think of as The Pleasure House. All the trainers—unnaturally attractive men, and all the girls seeking to be trained—similar in their unnatural beauty. Oh yes, the women all came here voluntarily. They have some deeper inner kink that they feel can’t be met with play pretend kink. I was foolish and hopeful like them once, too.
They want it to be real. They want to truly be owned. I sometimes wonder if they are as damaged as me. Is that what drives this desire? Or is it the comfort and safety of not needing to make a million decisions in such an uncertain world? Or wanting someone else to take care of them or be responsible?
Or is it the sheer hedonism of being someone’s pleasure toy, knowing these buyers are so well screened that anyone you go to is very likely to be very well versed in the art not only of receiving, but in giving pleasure, and that you will receive the full force of that lust and desire. And you belong to them...you signed away all your rights so… you have no choice but to submit and experience and express your desires. You can’t be blamed for anything. You’re the victim here, so you may as well enjoy the fall.
But are we victims? I honestly don’t know anymore, the lines are so blurred. But I don’t feel like a victim. The most dangerous and feared man at this house—the only true actual psycho makes me feel more safe than I’ve ever felt in my life because I know nothing will ever stand between Brian and me. If I’m in danger, someone is dying. And if Brian has anything to say about it, it won’t be me.
The girls at the house are all transient. Once they find their forever homes—like so many puppies at the pound—they’re gone forever as new women drift in to be trained.
Then there are the lifers… First there are the owners who also double as trainers: Lindsay—that’s a man and also the house shrink, Gabe—the nice one, Anton—the Russian massage therapist and seducer of women with his magic hands, and Brian—the wounded dangerous one. There was another guy who was asked to be a part of all this, Michael, but he opted out. Probably for the best. It’s kind of like the mafia around here. Once you choose to be in, you never get to choose to be out. Mutual assured destruction makes for greater criminal safety after all.
Then there’s Phyllis in the kitchen. She’s an older woman, maybe mid to late fifties. She downplays her looks, and who can blame her? Even though she’s past the average shelf life of what these men sell and trade, one can never be too careful. And besides, Lindsay is around her age. And then there’s the cougar phenomenon. You never know if one of these young trainers is going to develop an older woman fetish, so she’s probably smart to downplay, but I can see the beauty she hides.
Phyllis was the real estate agent who sold this place to the guys as they were building their illegal and morally bankrupt business to match wealthy powerful men with women who long to serve them and live out all their greatest filthy fantasies. She saw too much, and so now she’s in charge of the kitchen.
There’s a girl named Shannon who I mostly avoid. She’s sweet but maybe even more damaged than me. She has bad scars, including some on her shoulders and one on her face. The worst thing about the scars is that Brian gave them to her. I can’t let myself ever think about it.
He’s not like that with me. I never fear or even think he could ever be like that with me, but Shannon is the one person in the house who reminds me who Brian really is. Even when he’s covered in blood from a fresh kill. Even when there are garbage bags full of body parts to incinerate, nothing drives home what he’s capable of like looking at Shannon.
She came to the house, like me, in search of the kinky fairy tale. She, like me, bought all the marketing hype delivered by Lindsay. Lindsay failed her, just as he failed me. No one warned her about Brian, she smarted off to him on one of his dark days, and… the rest is etched into her skin for the rest of her life. They couldn’t let her go. Lindsay spared her life, but now she’s got a very different kind of slavery, and not the pleasurable kinky kind. She basically runs the on-site spa, much more half-heartedly than Phyllis runs the kitchen.
It’s so hard to hold in my head the fact that Brian could hurt someone the way he hurt Shannon, that he can be her literal nightmare at the same time he’s my salvation. So, to keep my sanity in check, I avoid her as much as possible.
