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But I’m also grateful. This real, sharp, clean, harsh feeling. It’s not muted and bubble wrapped. It’s not hidden behind layers of thick cotton. Still, I wish it was a brighter, happier feeling that pulls me from the edge of the abyss, pulling me back into parts of myself I’d lost.
I hear him leave the cell, but a few minutes later he’s back. I gasp as I feel the cold hard steel of a blade pressed flat against my back.
“Master… are you going to hurt me?”
“Is that what you need to be a good girl?”
I forgot how terrifying this man could be. I forgot just how dark when it wasn’t aimed at me. And I find myself suddenly afraid he’s gone so deep into that twisted place inside himself that maybe he isn’t fully aware of who he has tied up. Maybe right now I’m just another piece of flesh bound for him to torture and break.
Then music begins to play. It’s Chopin’s Nocturne number 2. I somehow know he’s got it on repeat. It’s the music he listens to, to chase the monsters away—music his mother gave him. It’s the music he gave me anonymously when I first came to the house, to help chase my monsters away.
He strokes my trembling back with his other hand. “Shhhhh. You’ll survive me.”
And then the tears come. I haven’t cried in months. About anything. The tears have all been trapped inside me. I couldn’t find a way to make them come out, but now they flow freely. Brian just touches my back gently while I cry. Finally, I take a long deep breath and blow it out slowly.
“Are you ready to begin?” he asks.
“Yes, Master.”
He drags the blade across my flesh over and over. The pain slicing through so many layers of numbness, and I can feel again, even if it may not be forever, it’s now. Now and when I fucked Brian in the dungeon in front of Matsumoto.
It takes me almost a full minute to realize, he’s not just cutting me for the hell of it… he’s making letters.
“Master, please,” I whisper around the tears. But I don’t know what I’m begging him for.
I’m so caught up in this eternal now of vulnerability and pain, that I don’t realize it’s over until he turns off the music, removes the blindfold, and presses a kiss to my cheek as though this were a totally normal thing for two people to do.
He unties me and carries me out of the cell, through our bedroom, to the large bathroom. He turns me so I can see my back in the mirror. The word Mine is carved into my skin.
I can’t stop the smile as it quirks up to one side. It’s perfect. No one but Brian could make something so macabre look like art. It’ll leave a scar—this word on my back, forever. Everything about this feels right.
“Are you all right? Do you feel light headed?”
“I’m fine, Master.”
He leaves and comes back with a small orange juice from the mini-fridge in our room. “Drink this anyway.”
I have to fight the eye roll, but I drink to appease him. Then he draws me a warm, but not too hot bath. I hiss anyway as I sink down into the water.
“Motherfucker!” I say.
He arches a brow.
“I just mean in general. Not you.” Maybe him a little bit. He is the one who caused the pain after all. “You could have gotten me branded or tattooed like a civilized person,” I say.
Brian just watches me from across the room. “It wouldn’t have been the same, and you know it.”
I lean against the tub, hissing again until I find a way to lay that doesn’t hurt and close my eyes. I don’t hear him approach. He’s silent like the predator he is. I don’t realize he’s sitting on the edge of the tub until his hand is in the water, trailing over various parts of my body, teasing me until finally he begins to stroke between my thighs.
“Who do you belong to, Mina?”
“You, Master.” It comes out on a breathy sigh as my hips rise up to meet his questing fingers.
“Who are you going to come for like a good girl?”
“You, Master.” This time, it’s a moan. I know he wants to hear that title. I’m surprised part of his punishment wasn’t for me calling him by his first name. He’d looked surprised when I’d said it earlier today, but not bothered. But I think we both know it’s better to keep up appearances at the house that this is a one hundred percent every second of every day sort of ownership, even though I think we both know its evolved into something else.
He pumps fingers inside me as his thumb strokes over my clit and I fuck myself on those fingers.
