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“Are you not cold?” I asked, frowning. He had no cloak, and his hands were red and raw from working in this weather. I felt far less a queen as I sat on my horse, having remained in the castle all morning in the warmth.
“No, my queen. This is hard work,” he said and offered a small smile. “Where are you off to?”
“The queen wishes to gather lavender for the dead,” said Adrian.
“Of course,” he said and paused. “No guard?”
“We will not be long,” I said, though just like Daroc, Killian was not pleased, yet he took a step away and nodded.
“I will look for your return.”
Adrian spurred his horse on, and we continued toward the forest that loomed ahead, ethereal and ominous. I had never seen anything like it when I had first ventured through, and I had seen nothing like it since—full of endless trees that grew from barren ground and ghosts. There was usually no part of the earth I dreaded exploring, but these woods had memory, and they burdened all who entered. I could feel it weighing on my heart. It was the weight I carried for each of my sisters who had hung from these branches by their neck until dead.
“Are you all right?” Adrian asked. His voice was warm against my skin, and it broke the hypnotic hold of the forest.
I did not feel like discussing the forest. I knew what horror had occurred here, so instead, I asked, “Will we really gather lavender?”
“If you wish,” he said.
“I wish it,” I said as we were swallowed whole by the forest.
He waited until we had gone some distance before he spoke again.
“You should not feel guilty for not helping to rebuild,” he said.
“Perhaps not,” I said. “But I do.”
I felt neglectful.
“You nearly gave your life to protect them.”
There was a part of me that wondered if Ihadgiven them my life. I had come out on the other side of that fight as something different than what I was, and I still had no idea how it would change me. I thought about how I felt in this moment—what parts of my body were altered—but I was the same, save for these thoughts that reminded me I had turned into a monster.
Adrian moved my hair, exposing my neck, and pressed a kiss to my skin.
“I am sorry,” he said. “For earlier.”
“You’ll have to do more than kiss my neck to apologize,” I said.
“Earlier you did not desire my touch,” he said.
“Earlier you were a bastard,” I said.
Adrian chuckled, but his hold on me tightened and he spoke near my ear.
“I do not fear monsters as you do,” he said.
“I do not want to lose my mind,” I said.
“I have turned many mortals into my kind. Some are shifters and some are not, but none have ever lost their minds.”
“You did not change me,” I pointed out.
“I could,” he said, and once more, I felt his lips touch my skin. “I would. You have only to say the word.”
I held my breath, feeling a familiar heat stirring in the bottom of my stomach. It made me feel heavy and want to feel full all at the same time.
“How would you do it?” I asked, my voice hushed.
