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“I’m not asking anything from you,” I continue. “I already know how you feel about commitment. I just wanted you to know the truth. I love you. That’s the only reason why I ever walked away. I knew it was the only way I would have a chance to get over you. ”
His eyes are still closed, and I wonder if he’ll say anything. Maybe he won’t. Maybe it would be easier for the both of us if I left now, instead of forcing him to acknowledge everything I’ve said. I start to turn back towards the door.
“Rachel…” I pause, surprised by the depth of emotion in his voice. His eyes are shiny as he takes a step towards me. “Don’t go.”
Don’t go.I draw in a shaky breath. That’s not what I want to hear, but it’s something. My eyes fill. “Landon…”
“Don’t go,” he repeats. “Please.”
I nod, then I take the few steps to where he’s standing and wrap my arms around him. “I love you,” I whisper again, strangely elated by saying the words out loud. “Nothing is ever going to change that.”
I feel his chest expand, rising as he takes a deep breath. “You have no idea how afraid I am of hurting you.”
I lift my face to his. I’m already hurting. I’ve been hurting since the moment I realized that I’d fallen in love with him. Could it ever hurt worse than it already has in the past, or worse than it does right now? I don’t think so.
I place a soft kiss on his lips. “You won’t,” I whisper.
I feel him tremble. His hands come up to circle my arms, and they’re shaking too. I pull back and smile sadly at him, memorizing all the lines of his face, every feature that I love.
“I love you,” I whisper again, reaching up for another kiss. This time he kisses me back, his tongue stroking mine with a heat and urgency that makes me forget my pain. I run my fingers through the silky strands of his hair, filling my senses with his touch, giving in to my desire for him.
Landon releases my lips, then holds me against his body for a long moment. I rest my head on his shoulder. I’m glad, I think fiercely. I’m happy and grateful for every single moment I’ve spent with him, and no matter what happens, I’ll never regret it.
I raise my face to his. He still looks shaken, almost afraid, and in his eyes, I can see him struggling against whatever emotions are raging in his mind.
I stroke his hair. “Stop thinking,” I urge gently.
He doesn’t reply. I lift my lips and kiss him again. He sighs and raises his hand to my nape, kissing me back. I reach for the buttons of his shirt, undoing them so I can slide my hands over his chest.
“Rachel…”
I shake my head. I don’t want him to hesitate. I want this. “Don’t stop,” I whisper.
He kisses me again, this time, more deeply. I moan against his mouth as he undoes the tie of my robe, reaching inside it to stroke my heated skin. I shrug it off and press my body against his, not caring that we’re out on the balcony. He’s already hard against my belly and thigh. I grind against him, and he groans, cupping my butt and lifting me off my feet.
I wrap my legs around his waist, letting him carry me inside, still kissing me. We make it to the living room before he lays me on the soft carpet, kneeling over me. He spreads my robe and leans down, drawing a nipple into his mouth and sucking deeply through the lace of my bra. My body arches in pleasure, lifting towards him. He slides one hand between my legs, palming me over my panties and rubbing me gently. My hips roll, my whole body clenching with the need for more.
I cry out when he moves his hand away, waiting breathlessly when he reaches behind me for the fastening of my bra and deftly removes the lacy undergarment. Then his hand slides back between my legs, inside my panties and between my folds, circling over my clit before sliding down to rim the entrance to my body.
The pleasure is intense. He lowers his head to my chest, licking the soft, sensitive skin of each breast before sucking on my nipples. I moan breathlessly, my skin misting with sweat as his touch drives me nearly insane.
Still touching me, he licks a path from my breast up to my ear. I feel his tongue in the underside of my earlobe, teasing and tasting. The pleasure brings tears to my eyes, and I reach for his face, pulling him close so I can suck on his lip. I thrust my tongue inside his mouth, trembling when he responds with a low groan.
He raises his head, and for a moment, he’s just looking down at me. My eyes are unfocused with pleasure, especially when he chooses that moment to slide his fingers into my body, finding the most sensitive spot inside me and rubbing gently.
“What do you want me to do?” His voice is whisper soft. “What should I do?”
Through the fog of arousal in my brain, I know he’s not asking about right now, but at this moment, all I want is to surrender myself to his touch.
“Don’t stop touching me,” I tell him.
His fingers plunge deeper inside me, spreading to stimulate my inner walls, while his thumb circles my clit, massaging it until I can’t take it anymore. His lips cover mine as I cry out, my body rippling with the pleasure of my orgasm.
Lost in my post-orgasmic haze, I don’t remember much about being carried to the bedroom. I don’t remember him undressing me or putting me under the covers. But I remember his voice in my ear as I fall asleep.
“Don’t leave.”
ANOTHER one of Landon’s nightmares wakes me up. He’s moaning, his hands digging into the pillow he’s clutching tightly. The curtains are not fully drawn, and a little predawn light falls into the room from the sound proof windows, bathing his face with a muted light and showing me the tears glistening on his cheeks.
