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And here they are again, the harsh words spinning in my mind like a pack of flies.
I try to calm down. Emotions are a formula. Everything is. But Kat doesn’t follow any explanations or rules. She’s some kind of enigma that was dropped into my life out of nowhere. And I’m done trying to fit our relationship into a formula. That’s not how my brain works. Or heart. Or whatever it is.
I want to be angry, but as I take the last sip of my drink before going to bed—I limit my drinks even more these days—I wish she was here, stayed quiet, let me fuck her, then cuddled with me like she did that one time.
“Corlo, lights off.”
My living room sinks into darkness. The only lights coming through the window are the blue neon of the pool.
Neon blue…
I open my phone and find that fateful picture of naked Kat in my pool.
I should feel bad for taking it, but I don’t. I did confront Margot when I called her from the mainland, and she eventually admitted her fault and how she swiped that picture off my open phone the night of Cece’s party when she stopped at my villa.
I told Margot that she’s going to the mainland. She freaked out. I told her she was acting like a high-school cunt. She poured a whole bunch of dirt and feelings on me. She wanted to be heard, and I listened, though I knew everything she thought about Kat and me and didn’t care.
I hate making women cry. And Margot did. Groveling is not her forte, but she screamed and then broke down in tears.
“What do you want me to do, Archer? I can’t change what happened.”
“Apologize to her.”
“No fucking way!”
“You are a grownup. You ruined Cece’s birthday.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Bullying is for high schools, Margot. We are a tight community here at Ayana, and no matter how much I value you, I won’t let you fuck with people.”
She said she apologized.
I stare at the picture of Kat in the pool and can’t get enough. I can’t part with it. But I will, along with the rest of my Kat-porn.
My phone beeps.
Kat: Can we talk?
I don’t need a pity fuck. Everyone is concerned, and so is Kat. But even before she said those harsh words to me the night of the incident, before the picture was passed around, she walked away from me on the dance floor, right in front of everyone.
Me: I’ll see you in the office tomorrow.
Bitterly, I press send and pull up the videos from my cam archive.
I’ve rewatched them drunk so many times while away that they started to feel like someone else’s life. They are a thing of the past.
Me going down on Kat on my coffee table.
I glance up at the table as if to make sure it’s the same one, then on impulse, press the delete button on my phone.
Gone. Like it never happened.
The one with us naked on the couch, fucking, then talking for what seemed like hours.
Delete.
The one where she insisted on cognac-tasting, though there isn’t much you can see on cam besides my tall figure and Kat’s hands on my ass. Then me fucking her from behind.
