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“I told you. He hates me,” I say, not hiding the hurt in my voice.
Ain’t that the truth, because two days later, after work, I’m at Ty and Dani’s place, trying to make small talk with Raylin, who is cool and mesmerizing but too reserved. I’m not into girls, but I can’t stop looking at her. Her beauty, those doll eyes and puffy lips, is truly hypnotic. She would be a ten if she didn’t have that lost look on her face, like she’s not quite there. By God, can anyone be more introverted!
That’s when Archer shows up, halting as soon as he sees me.
Ty—freaking Ty, the golden boy with millions in his trust, who had to live on the Eastside like a hippie because of Archer—now greets him like they are best friends.
Everyone does.
For the first time tonight, Raylin smiles broadly and rises from the pool chair to give Archer a hug.
But when I catch Archer’s glance at me, I feel it—I’m not wanted here.
I know what’s gonna happen next—he’ll say he stopped by for a second, will turn around, and leave, not wanting to breathe the same air as me.
But he deserves this—friends, some chill time with them. So I rise quickly and throw, “I have some things to do,” to no one in particular, and leave.
No one stops me. No one cares, really. We come and go. Ayana is easy. Friends are easy. I’ve never had many, but I don’t want to steal them from Archer or be in a competition where it’s either him or me.
So I walk through the twilight with my eyes burning from tears.
What did I do to him?
I said awful things. I left him in the middle of the worst night of his life. We can talk it over. But we don’t.
He barely acknowledges me in the Center when he comes and goes, and I usually leave in the afternoon to work from home.
Hurt builds up for days and days until I realize that if I don’t talk to someone, I’ll lose my mind.
There’s one person who might understand, who won’t share, who always keeps things to herself.
“I’m going crazy, Maddy.”
I sit on the examination table in one of the rooms in the medical ward, head hanging low, feet dangling as I study my boots.
Maddy leans on the wall, arms crossed at her chest, a soft smile on her lips. “I have a feeling you always were.”
“No. I feel like I’m bipolar. One day I’m happy, grateful to be here, then miserable the next one, feeling that I don’t belong. One moment, I feel like I can take on the entire world, and the next, I feel like any girl here is better than me.”
“Any girl?” There’s humor in her eyes when they meet mine. “What does it have to do with girls? Or is it about a guy?”
It’s like she can see through people. Maybe it’s the goodness of her character that allows her to dissect others’ emotions and rationalize them.
“You’re a strong woman, Kat. You can take on the world. Of all the girls I know here, you are the one who can. But here’s the thing.”
She pauses and waits until I meet her eyes again. Hers are kind and understanding. I can see why Kai once said she has a heart of gold. I know—or rather feel that being around her—why everyone is drawn to her.
She’s only several years older than me but wise, soft-spoken, and kind. A minute of us talking like this, and I want to tell her my deepest thoughts. She’s like a saint. A mother. A sister. A best friend. A pretty girl with a golden personality. It’s rare in today’s world. Why she doesn’t have a man who carries her in his arms and showers her with presents and love, is a mystery.
“When you start doubting yourself,” she goes on, “and look for approval, and I mean the approval of one specific person, a guy at that—your heart is too deep in it already. It’s not about you or what you are worth or capable of. It’s about that person who makes you too self-aware. What solves any issue you have is talking it out with that person.”
I snort. “Have you met that person?” Archer and I never really talked heart-to-heart. We spent too much time playing until I got caught up in my own games.
All-knowing Maddy smiles softly. “I have. And he has the same problem as you.”
“Which is?”
“You two come from different sides of the track but are very much alike. He can take the entire world. And he has. But he might be scared of his feelings, Kat. Just like you are.”
