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‘I might want you to myself for a large part of the weekend, if you don’t have other plans.’
‘Oh, yes?’ I smile flirtatiously at him.
‘Yeah, the banisters need a second coat of paint,’ he grins.
‘You really know how to make a girl feel like a princess,’ I laugh as I climb into his van. ‘What happened to my predecessor? Did she come to her senses and run away, or did you just wear her out?’
As I say this, I realise I actually don’t know anything about his relationship history. ‘Tell me about your previous girlfriends,’ I ask him as he starts the engine and turns in the direction of the pub.
‘Why?’
‘It helps me to understand you. Are you the kind of guy who goes in for serious, long-term relationships, or is there a string of broken-hearted women out there that you’ve casually tossed aside after a month or two? I need to know what I’m getting myself in to.’
‘The first one,’ he tells me after a pause. ‘In fact, there have only been two serious girlfriends. I did have a few flings in my early twenties, but I don’t think any of them got to the point where there would have been broken hearts.’
‘Tell me about the serious ones.’
‘The first was Megan. Her parents lived on the same street as mine. We became friends in primary school and, when we hit puberty and the hormones kicked in, we were naturally drawn to each other. I think, in retrospect, we were both worried about putting ourselves “out there” and so we were like a kind of safe space to experiment with what sex and sexuality meant for us.’
‘Did you love her?’
‘That is such a good question. I thought I loved her at the time but, looking back at it, I think it was more of a really intense friendship with benefits.’
‘How did it end?’
‘It became clear that we were heading in different directions. She was much more academic than me, so she was always going to go to university. I never had any ambitions like that. So, she went off to study English Literature, and that was the end of us. She started going out with some guy off her course, and married him a few years ago. They’ve got a baby now, Mum tells me. She’s a teacher in Essex somewhere. Her parents still live down the road, but I haven’t seen her for years.’
‘What about the second one?’
‘Leanne.’
‘Yes?’ I prompt when it becomes clear that he’s not going to elaborate.
‘Sorry, I’m just trying to think how best to describe her. Somewhere between “force of nature” and “whirlwind” is probably as close as I can get. She’s one of those people who is just completely comfortable in their own skin and totally uninterested in what other people think of her. I’d never met anyone quite like her, and I was mesmerised by her. We went out for three years.’
‘And how did that one end?’
‘Things started to unravel when I realised that she was just as uninterested in my views as anyone else’s. Whenever we had different opinions, she’d just shut me down or belittle me, and I started to resent her for it. Once my family realised that I was having second thoughts, they revealed what they really thought of her, and that kind of sealed our fate.’
‘Why, what did they say?’
‘My mother called her, and I quote, “a mouthy little bitch”.’
‘This is the same mother you’re dragging me to meet? Are you sure this is a good idea?’
‘Are you a mouthy little bitch? I haven’t seen that side of you.’
‘No, but my anxiety level just went up a few more notches.’
‘They will love you, trust me. What about you?’
‘What about me?’
‘I’ve told you my history. Now it’s your turn.’
‘Three serious relationships, no flings,’ I say. ‘The first one was Damien, in secondary school. We went out for two years and I lost my virginity to him, so that was a big thing.’
‘And how did that end?’
