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Esme started to wring her hands and tap her feet. He could feel her nervous energy like a physical thing, tugging and pulling at him.
“Babygirl, you’re safe. No-one’s forcing you to do anything.”
“You think I should be able to do it, don’t you? You think I’m pathetic if I don’t do it.”
“No! I don’t. It’s a big step.”
“I should do it.” She was looking into the distance and was talking as though possessed. “I’m gonna do it. I’ll go and put my name down.” It felt like she’d shut down. “Doesn’t matter if they all judge me. Doesn’t matter if it’s a disaster.”
“Honey, please, listen to me. Stay centered, breathe. You’resafe.”
At the word safe, she snapped. Her eyes focused on his, and she said, in a voice he almost didn’t recognize, “No-one’s safe. We could all die, any of us, at any moment.”
She stepped away from the table, and for a moment, it looked as though she was heading to the stage. But then, in a moment Rainer would never forget, she let out a huge, terrified, defeated sob, and broke straight for the door.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
He’dnevermovedsofast in his life. Leaving his drinks, his phone, his everything on the table and bolting after the most important thing in the world to him, his Little. He caught Esme outside, stepped in front of her just as she was about to step into the flow of traffic.
A taxi beeped angrily and swerved to avoid them. Esme screamed in fear and stepped back, before falling down on her bottom. It was as though she had suddenly been pulled back into reality. She looked up at Rainer and hugged her knees in close to her chest.
“Daddy,” she sobbed, “I’m sorry.”
“Darling,” he said, full of sadness, “you don’t have a thing to apologize for. I’m sorry I put you in that situation. I thought you might find it fun, find it healing…” He sat next to her on the sidewalk. “I made a stupid mistake bringing you here without telling you what I had in mind.”
“I just got so scared.”
“It’s all my fault.”
“I’m a failure. I should be able to do it. A normal person, a person who’s not a total scaredy-cat, would be able to do it!” There was rage mixed in with her sadness. Rainer felt awful. How could he have done this to the person he cared about most in the whole world?
“You. Are. Not. A. Failure.” He locked eyes with Esme as he spoke. He needed her to understand. “Performing for people is very nerve-wracking. I should have known. I should have been more careful. It’s nothing like teaching.”
“I’m useless. I could never teach anyone anything.”
Just then, Rainer had an idea. An idea so perverse and strange that he barely felt brave enough to share it with Esme. An idea that would be embarrassing to him in the extreme.
But surely, Esme was worth it.
“Darling,” he said, kissing the top of her head, “everything’s gonna be okay. I promise.” He breathed in deep. “Now, I’ve got an idea. It’s a dangerous idea, but I think you’re gonna like it.”
Esme’s face brightened, just a little bit. “What is it?”
“Hop on my bike. We’re going to your place.”
“My place?”
“Yeah. We’re gonna need to pick up a spare yoga mat.”
A look of confusion appeared on Esme’s face.
“How are you at teaching beginners?” Rainer asked.
“I don’t know, I mean…” she trailed off as she realized what he was suggesting. “Daddy, are you serious?”
“I’d do anything for you, pumpkin.”
Rainer regretted saying that he would do anything for her. After a relaxing night curled up next to his Little, she’d woken him early and revealed her dastardly plan to him. He’d protested, but only for a moment. He could see how much it meant to her.
