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“Not exactly. I trust you completely. Just, hard not to feel like I’m holding back a bit, waiting for something bad to happen.”
“Babygirl, I’m gonna tell you what happened to me. Why I got so angry that time. Trust is key. That’s what it all comes down to.”
“I’m listening, Papa Bear.”
Papa Bear. He liked that.
“I was just a kid. Growing up rough. My father was a Mexican immigrant who set up his own garage. Struggled for customers and got shook down by the local mob for protection money. We never had much. Felt like we never had anything. Except for my mother, who had plenty. Of trouble, that is. Me and my two brothers – all little assholes. Let’s just say I didn’t get much hands-on parenting.” When he thought back to that time, he found it hard to believe that his mama even managed to get food on the table for them. “I always admired my dad. Saw how hard he worked. He never spent a penny on himself. I grew up in that garage, learning from him, helping him with all the shitty jobs.”
“I can imagine little Rainer, covered in grease,” Esme said. “It’s a cute image.”
“Yeah, well I wasn’t a cute kid, I promise you. Anyway, when my Papa passed, he left the garage to me and Tuco, my older brother. Carlos, our younger brother, had smarts, and was at a community college studying medicine. Tuco was always fun, but had a crazy, dangerous streak. He always wanted to push things further, sail close to the wind. Anyway, we went into business together. Took over Papa’s garage.”
Rainer could feel his anger bubbling up inside him, acrid and hot. He took a moment, tried to center himself.
“Trouble was, Tuco was a snake. One day, the cops came knocking at the door. They had a warrant. Searched the place. Course, I didn’t know what the problem was, couldn’t think why they would be there.”
Esme looked shocked. “What had he done?”
“At first, they didn’t find anything. But then, they took apart some of the bikes we were working on. And they found bricks of cocaineinsidethe fucking engines.”
“Cocaine?”
“I was arrested straight away. Turns out, honest business wasn’t enough for Tuco. Instead of pay the mob’s protection money, he’d become a drug mule for them. But that’s not the way the courts saw it.”
“What happened?”
“Iwas sent to prison. I was only twenty-one. Barely old enough to fucking drink.” Rainer’s face hardened. “Can you imagine it? My brother, lying on the stand to protect himself? Saying that all of it was myfault? My lawyer was blindsided. It was only after seven years in prison that the appeal was upheld. Now, my brother’s locked away instead. But he took seven damn years of my life.”
“Oh, my goodness. Daddy, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s just… trust don’t come easy for me. Not after what Tuco did. And forgiveness comes even harder. So, when you read me those cards…”
“I understand.” Esme paused for a moment, looked as though she was trying to decide whether to speak. Then, eventually, she said, “But you know, the cards were right. Those are the issues you’re going to have to deal with if you wanna be Prez.”
“You’re right.”
Rainer leaned in and kissed the top of her head.
There was a knock at the door. “Aha,” Rainer said. “Your playmate is here.”
He went and answered it with Esme. She held his hand the whole way. It felt wonderful to hold her little hand in his.
“Sophia, so good to see you!”
The two girls squealed and embraced each other. Sophia had brought a huge suitcase full of antique stuffies which were in various stages of repair.
“This one needs really specific glass eyes that I had to import from England! And, and, and, this one is German. I call him Der Uberbear!”
It was great to hear them playing together. Om Baby joined in the fun, too, teaching the stiff old bears how to loosen their joints.
“Right, guys,” Rainer said after watching them play for twenty minutes or so. “I’m heading to the meeting. Look after each other. I left food in the fridge. Esme, don’t just gorge yourself on snacks, okay? Eat the casserole.”
“Got it. Snacks only.”
Rainer gave her a look.
“I’m joking, Daddy. We’ll be very, very good girls, won’t we Soph?”
