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My stomach heaves, and I swallow down the taste of bile. I manage to keep all emotions off my face—Acting!—and look her up and down. "You didn’t think I was going to simply forgive you for what your brother did to me?"
"My brother Diego? B-b-but I thought you said you d-didn’t hold me responsible for that. I-I thought you’d p-put that b-b-behind us?"
She’s stammering, and I know it’s because she’s shocked. She only ever stammers when she experiences high emotion. And right now, I’m putting her through something very traumatic. Only, I feel her pain as if it were my own. My lungs burn. I manage to take a step back, putting more distance between us. This way, I won’t be tempted to touch her, to kiss her, to throw myself at her feet and ask her to forgive me for what I’m going to do to her. To us.
This is the right thing. It is.
I square my shoulders. I straighten my spine. "You thought I’d be willing to overlook that you accused me of forcing myself on you? That your brother and his men scarred my face and changed the trajectory of my life? It’s taken me twice as long to get to where I am because of that. You turned my life upside down; you made me face the kinds of challenges that would have defeated anyone else."
"But not you.”
"Not me. I was determined to keep going, to prove to myself, and to the world, that I could make it. And all that time, I knew, one day, I’d have my revenge for what your brother did. It’s the one thing that kept me going through all of those rejections, those doors that were slammed in my face, those who thought I was never going to make it to the top spot in Hollywood."
"And becoming number one is so important to you?"
She’s asking me the same question Knight did. And I know my answer now.I know it’s not.
Nothing is more important than you. Nothing comes close to you. Nothing makes me happier than making you happy. Than seeing you happy. Than ensuring you’re never subjected to the kinds of depraved acts I want to subject you to. And that's why I have to push you away from me. And perhaps, one day, you’ll even forgive me for it. But even if you don’t, that’s fine.
I’m doing the right thing. This much, I’m sure of.
I set my jaw. "It is."
Her gaze widens. "So, when you told me you had feelings for me, you…"
"Lied."
“B-b-b-but why?” She swallows. “Y-you were so c-convincing.”
I shrug. “Speaks volumes for my acting skills, eh?” I smirk, but it feels more like a grimace. I should be used to acting the villain, but this is too real, too painful.
She glances away, then back at me. "Which means—" She blinks rapidly. "Which means, you asked me to come with you to LA because—"
"I was planning my revenge for what your brother did to me, because of you. And when this opportunity came up, I had to take it.”
“So, you planned the entire scene? You counted on me—”
“Walking in and finding me with my fiancée?” I nod. “In fact, I’m surprised how well it all came together. Perhaps I have a future as a director, too.”
She pales even more. Her eyes shine with unshed tears, and my guts churn. No, no, no, don’t cry, Rabbit. Don’t or I won’t be able to go through with this, and I need to. For your sake, I need to. I absolutely cannot allow you to get close enough to me that I'll do what I've wanted to do to you since you came back into my life. I cannot allow you to become as depraved as I am.
My chest hurts. I try to breathe but it’s as if I’ve swallowed glass. I might have set out to make her hate me, but right now, I loathe myself in a way I would not have thought possible.
“You never meant anything you said?” she asks softly.
I tilt my head and let a considering look creep into my eyes. At least, I hope that's how it looks.I've never had to act so contrary to what I'm actually feeling. I've never had to fight myself like this.“Oh, everything I said in bed was true. I didn’t have to fake the chemistry between us, and that made my job easier. Besides, you were begging for it.” I chuckle. To my ears, it sounds like I'm choking. “Poor repressed Mafia princess, you couldn’t wait to spread your legs for the first man who said all the right thing to you, and—”
I see her move, see her hand coming in my direction, but I don’t stop her palm from connecting with my face. I absorb the blow, relishing the entirely too brief respite from the pain in my heart.
There’s a low whirring sound, then another flashbulb goes off outside the window.
43
Solene
"You broke up with him?" Penny’s fingers fly over the screen of her phone.
We’re in my hotel room in London.
