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"Do I?" I squeeze shut my eyes.
I hear the sound of footsteps, and the next second, he’s squatting in front of me, his palms pressed into the seat on either side of me. I open my eyes, prepared to tell him off.
"I behaved abominably," he says softly.
"Ya think?"
"I’m sorry for what I put you through, truly. I never should have agreed to that arrangement. I thought it was the best thing to do for the both of us, though."
"You mean, my walking in on you with another woman was what you thought was best for me?"
"Yes," he agrees.
Che coglione!"I can’t believe you’re saying that."
"You don’t understand."
"I do. You decided you wanted to put me through the worst time of my life. You thought making me think you were cheating on me… No, worse, making me believe you were going to marry someone else. That even while you were fucking me—"
"—making love to you," he corrects me.
"Fucking me," I repeat. "Even while you werefuck-ingme, you were thinking of another woman, all along."
His throat moves as he swallows. He shuffles his feet as if he’s not sure what to say, then he squares his shoulders. "It's what I thought was best for the both of us."
Wow!I stare at him. I want to slap him for what he put me through. My fingers tingle. I want to claw at his face. I want to gouge out tracks in his flesh, so this time, when he gets scarred, it’ll be because I wanted it. Because that way, he’ll carry my mark. And every time he looks at it, he’ll think of me, no matter who he's with.
A-n-d, I’m pathetic. I saw him with another woman—and yet, here I am, listening to him.I flatten my lips. "Who are you to decide what’s best for me?"
"The man who brought you to this country and who started you off on your career?"
"A career which isn’t going anywhere in a hurry, by the way," I snap.
"And I have a solution for that, too."
I take in his features, take in the serious look in his eyes. I’ve never seen him this determined, this intent on a goal. A shiver crawls down my spine.
"I don't want to listen to it. I'm not interested in the opinions of someone so fond of making decisions for me. Not when you're unwilling to give me a choice on what’s best for me."
"Trust me when I say, I had your best interests in mind."
“Bullshit. You were thinking of yourself,” I scoff.
"Not only," he objects.
I stare at him, expressionless.
He raises his palms. “Fine. I admit, I put myself first all this time. But no more.” His gaze intensifies. “What I’m going to suggest is the best way—the most optimal way to get your career back on track. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I wouldn’t recommend it if it weren’t going to benefit you in an exponential manner.”
I hold his gaze, take in those piercing blue eyes, those flecks of silver in them which flash and brighten until it feels I’m adrift in space. This always happens. That hypnotic gaze of his seems to capture me, throw a net over my feelings, and bind me to him so I’m compelled to listen to him, and do what he asks of me. It’s been like that since the moment I set eyes on him.
I manage to tear my gaze from him, and the breath rushes out of me. Managing to get a hold of myself I tip up my chin. "Why should I believe you when everything you’ve done so far has been designed to hurt me?”
48
Declan
"I’m sorry for what I did. I truly am. I knew I had to hurt you to get you to leave me, but I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to do so. How much it would hurt me to see you hurt. And it was even worse knowing I was the one doing the hurting. How every time I tried to convince you that I was the kind of person you were better off without, it felt like I was tearing my heart out and trampling it underfoot.
