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"For so long, the need to avenge what happened to me was a driving force in my life. And then, it wasn’t there anymore. Instead, I turned my attention to my career. It's all I'd had for such a long time, so it was easy to fall back into it. Which is why, when the funding for my movie fell through, I decided to put in my own money. When that wasn’t enough, I approached the head of the Bratva for help and struck the deal with him. When I broke off the engagement, Niko wasn’t happy.”
She frowns. “The Bratva are dangerous—as much as the Mafia, if not more.”
I hold up my hand. “He’s still investing in the movie.”
“He is?” She stares at me.
“I explained the situation to Niko. He’s not happy, but he agreed to go through with the funding. I owe him and he’s going to call me on it, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”
She pales. “This is insane.”
“One needs to do insane things to fulfill one’s dream. It also means
this movie needs to be a hit, at any cost. Hence—” I look at her meaningfully. “I need you in the film.”
She rubs at her temple. "Ugh, I don’t even know what to say to that."
"Say yes, and that you’ll make a joint statement with me to the press. The resulting publicity will help the launch of the movie."
She shakes her head. "After everything you told me, it’s not like I can refuse you, either."
I nod slowly. I’d been counting on that.Am I using what her brother did to me to coerce her to buy into my plan? Yes. Am I an opportunistic bastard? You bet. Am I doing it because it’s the only way to get her to be by my side? Abso-fucking-lutely. And I don’t regret it one bit."There’s one more thing."
"O-k-a-y?" She eyes me warily.
"You saw me at the Club—"
She cuts her palm through the air. "And realized you were a Dominant."
I allow my lips to quirk. "The spicy books sure are increasing the range of your vocabulary, Rabbit."
"You trying to put off what you were going to confess?"
I blow out a breath.Am I that transparent? Am I truly deflecting? Why am I unable to share who I truly am with her? Am I that worried about losing her? Yes, I am. But I owe it to her.If I have any hope of a relationship with her, I need to tell her what my expectations are from her. Telling her about my preferences, while suggesting we embark on a fake relationship. Yep, I recognize the contradiction. But I have to work with what I have. I've gotta take this slow, gotta find a way for her to be with me and not turn me down completely. I shift my weight from foot to foot, then square my shoulders.
“I am, actually. I told you already about my reduced capacity to feel emotions. Indulging my kinks helped to amplify what I was feeling, so I could differentiate my emotions better, and that aided me in recognizing them. It’s why the BDSM lifestyle played an important part in my recovery."
She frowns. "Not sure what you’re saying."
I widen my stance. "The lifestyle helped to intensify my response to sex, so I could actually feel something. Kink was the only route to actually sensing something, other than the blank flatness inside me. During the time I was depressed, I began frequenting BDSM clubs. It helped me feel. It kept me going. And even after I relearned how to recognize and express my emotions, I stayed with it. When I am a Dominant, I have control over my emotions in a way I can’t find in any other part of my life. It’s why being a Dominant is more the real me than any other role I might play in life."
She surveys my features. "So, when you’re being Dominant, you're…"
"I’m at my most genuine. It’s the only time I’m being truly me."
She blinks. "Hold on, did you just confess to another weakness?"
"My only weakness is you, Solene."
She swallows. "I’m not sure how to react when you do away with that boss-man facade you normally wear."
I laugh. "I like that name, but I prefer you call me Sir or Master."
Her breathing grows choppy. She’s aroused. Despite telling her how much kink means to me, how much the lifestyle is a part of me, she’s not running away from me. She’s not disgusted or scared—maybe a little scared, but that’s good. It means she’s present and aware, and that’s important for what I’m going to propose. It’s what gives me the courage to say, "I prefer you sink to your knees every time I enter a room."
Her cheeks heat.
"I prefer that you’re naked, that you widen the space between your knees, hold open your arse cheeks, show me all your holes, and ask me which is my preference."
