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Declan
She fooled me. She deceived me. And I was so caught up in the moment, so filled with lust and want and that absurd need to be inside of her and possess her that… I forgot my promise to not have a relationship with her. If I'm being honest, that commitment to myself flew out the window the moment we got on the flight to LA. It was wishful thinking on my part that I'd be able to stop myself from getting involved with her.
There's a very thin line between hatred and love, and I've never really hated her. I'd thought I wanted to take revenge for what she did, but really, that was an excuse to hold onto her memory. It was my way of justifying why I spent so much time thinking about her. None of which makes it easy for me to stomach the fact that she got to me.
She threw down the challenge, and of course, I was going to accept it. The only thing that had allowed me to keep my distance from her was the fact that she was an innocent. The fact that she’d never be able to understand my darker proclivities, never be able to comprehend my lifestyle and the taste I've acquired for BDSM.
But she turned up at the Club and didn’t run out screaming after what she saw. If anything, she seemed to be turned on by the thought of being dominated, which gave me pause for thought. And then, this evening, when she clambered onto the table and crawled toward me… It was easy to forget she's an innocent. With her slumberous eyes, flushed cheeks, and breasts that invited me to squeeze them and caress them, she's turned out to be a siren. A sexy, seductress who can, surely, take everything I inflicted on her and deliver on my demands.
I rub the back of my neck and stare into the dregs of my whiskey glass. After arriving home, I escorted her to her room. I drew her a bath and ordered her to soak herself until her aches and pains subsided.
I wasn’t half as hard on her as I've been on any of my other subs. But she's not any of the other subs. She's… Solene. She's the one woman who’s been on my mind throughout all of these years. The one I still can’t believe I ran into after all this time, and brought to LA. The one who's going to be the next big pop star—of that, I am sure.
I spanked her today and left my prints on her creamy arse. I marked her. I squeeze my fingers around my still full glass. I caused her pain, and it's my job to ensure I provide her after-care. The trip to the bookshop and the restaurant—and buying them—was a spur-of-the-moment decision. When you have money, it's interesting how quickly you can get things organized. It was worth the effort to see the smile that lit up her face.
But I still had to take care of the physical pain I caused her, which is why I insisted on the bath. I made sure to choose a book for her from the pile we brought home and handed it to her to read in the tub. I left before I’d be tempted to hang around and see her strip, which, in itself, is a warning sign. I’ve never had trouble disassociating my feelings from my need to dominate; this is the first time the two worlds threaten to merge, and I’m not sure how I feel about it, at all.
I fled, like the coward I'm turning out to be, then headed down to the bar adjoining the gym on the first floor of my house. I poured myself a drink, and now, I’m not sure I need it, either.
When my phone buzzes, I reach for it with relief. The number is blocked, which means it’s from someone I don’t know or— I answer the call. "Knight?"
There’s silence on the line, then he laughs, "Good guess, buddy."
"Not too many unknown numbers I’d answer, but I had an instinct this was you."
"The perils of being a famous Hollywood star, eh?"
I wince. "Still the same ol’ man who couldn’t stay out of a girl’s room when he should have."
He blows out a breath. "When will you forgive yourself for what happened?"
"A little difficult when the girl who changed your life is now a full-grown woman and reminds you at every turn of your mistakes."
"You think what happened was a mistake?"
I hesitate.
"That’s what I thought." He lets that sink in. "When are you going to stop fooling yourself about your feelings for her?"
"Feelings?" I laugh. "I thought I wanted revenge for what happened, but turns out, it’s—"
"—more complicated?"
I rub the back of my neck. "You seem to know an awful lot about relationships."
He stays quiet, then, "When you see death closely every day, I guess it makes you grow up real quick."
"Fuck. There you are, defending your country, and here I am, whining about what, in the big scheme of things—"
"Is probably the most important decision you’ll ever make."
"Decision?" I frown.
"You going to tell her how you feel?"
"Not likely."
"What are you waiting for?"
